Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Blogging My Way Out of TO 1 Post At A Time...

I don't think I mentioned that one of the reasons I started this blog was to get tha fuck out of toronto, if not in real time, then online through meeting other people in other places.

With the exception of going away to university, the best thing that ever happened to me in terms of change of location, not in terms of education which mostly sucked, I've lived my whole life since immigrating from Barbados right here in this very large, yet socially/politically inbred cesspool. Considered the center of canada by some in terms of thought production, cultural production, queer culture, feminist studies, women of color activism, blah, blah, blah, I've been tempted at various times to slit my wrists...if this really was all there was in my general vicinity.

So, hoping that this wasn't the case, I set searching in a lot of different ways, including at one point spammin the maker of every single cool/radical/lefty website I could find, with information about my first solid attempt to make myself known online - darkdaughta.com.

But that was a static site. And although, I did meet people through it, I realized I was specifically searching for those who would risk everything for their beliefs, rather than those who simply talked or wrote or performed about risking everything for their beliefs.

All this to say...
I'm still searching. Every now and then I get a post from someone who lives in toronto and I get badly triggered. I'm reminded that although I try to not go outside, I still live right here in tha T dot. I'm dropped right back into the reality of my social/political isolation/alienation. I'm reconnected to all the petty power/social/hierarchy games played out so effectively at a personal level in most of the communities of resistance where I have, at one time or another, worked/loved/lived...struggled.

So, if you're from toronto and you (think you) know me or if you're not from toronto but know someone (you think) I know (or used to know and don't wanna know) and probably don't get along with presently, feel free to look or even to post a comment...or not, as I may or may not publish it, may or may not respond depending on the content of your communication.

Don't take my lack of ecstatic welcome or my reluctance to engage, you and/or whoever you know that you think I know, are not the only people I'm desperately trying to disconnect/disassociate from
personally. This blog isn't for/about you and yours. It's for/about me and mine.


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