As I count 'er down, I recommit to complicating conversations about what it means to be woman, queer woman, Black woman, poly woman, birthing woman, loud woman, political woman, fat fleshy woman, exile woman, fierce woman, deviant woman, sexually perverse woman, emotional woman, adult body containing child and teenager personalities woman, powerFULL woman...brave woman...often bad by herself woman. :)
I thought about the different posts I had written this month about sex work, attempting to do my part to complicate, broaden, problematize some really simple conversations I'd seen happen in blogland dating back to before the spitzer idiot scenario and continuing on right through to present day.
Does my insisting on participating in conversations among rad fem political wimmin about sex work, wimmin's sexual exploitation, rape, patriarchal relations, sexual abuse, the erotic, embracing our erotic, capitalist systems where every interaction, not just sex work is perverted into a transaction...
Does my insisting on utilizing this as context in which to discuss a radical intelligent grounded full exploration of sex work mean that I condone the exploitation of wimmin in any way shape or form?
What it does mean is that I don't want to be ruled by knee jerk, ill thought out, emotionally infused, flat, limited, exclusionary, iconic responses to any feminist issue.
I don't want to be ruled by my ill thought out reactions or by those of other feminist wimmin.
This is a revolution we're trying to build on, not a vigilante mob ruling posse.
Deep breath in...
Even deeper thoughts.
Substantially deeper conversations...please dear goddess...please give me some tough, creative, fearless, irreverent, insightful, bungee jumping conversations where I can break out in a sweat as I assist other wimmin in getting all hot and bothered in the brain, wracked and moved by the implications of what it means for us all to bring everything, every last blasted thing we've got to the pot, stirring it and seasoning it and accepting each other's dares to down massive spoon fulls of it as we are completely and utterly transformed by the coming together, no longer recognizable even to ourselves, walking with bits and pieces of each other absorbed and morphed, embodying passionate movement toward change in the flesh.
That is my wish, my fervent desire...
I don't know how many times I've posted parts of this woman's fucking amazing writing. Every time I read it I get goose bumps and headaches and wanna pee myself and burst out laughing and clapping and dancing and flailing appendages everywhere. Wonderfully sweet...in a jagged rusty edge sort of way. :)
Don't step back. Step in.
We think that we,re free, like free will, freedom, independence, but when we fuck somebody we,re really giving "ourselves" away for free. Women deal with this in a lot of different ways but essentially i think there are two responses. One is to try to work within this sexual market sysytem and another is to try and remove yourself from this system.Goddess bless her. She's messy and wordy and brave and, and, and...really messy. :)
IN THE SYSTEM
Women that get married, women who have boyfriends and serial monogamy relationships, women who directly sell their pussy for money, are all acting to get the most value from their status as a commodity. These are all good ways of managing the value of your pussy, although being a profesional pussy seller is the most risky because it ismore likely that men will be hostile to you. Because uou directly acknowledge your commodity status you are "cheapened" and more likely to be raped, and your rapists or even murders will get away with it. This is so disgusting and so complicated that i could rant about it for pages and pages. I,ll save it for later. Sooooo..lets go on to..
Women who promise a man that they won,t fuck anybody but him are exchanging the ownership of their pussy for relationship security( a sense of being loved and having someone to love, a promary attachtment for most of their intense emotions) and heterosexual privelege. They must convince everyone that their pussy is not "cheap"; it,s not for everyone. They bestow its valueableness on the (one man at a time)man of their choice like queens conferring a favor. In fact, even without getting a relationship contract, women with a "good reputation " can easily get a man to fuck them(because it,s assumed that men will want to fuck any available pussy) and then expect the man to treat them AS IF THERE WERE SUCH A CONTRACT. After they have fucked, then the good reputation, high pussy value can assume thta the man will treat her with respect, he will not fuck anyone else, and he,ll maintain the highest standard of truthfulnes - and also share his privileged status with her, i.e. she gets to be introduced into his public and private social kinship circles as His Girlfriend, or to share his material wealth or goods. If he doesn,t do thse things, then the high value women can be outraged and tell everyone possibel that the man has treated her badly. She is now justified in most people,s eyes, in wreaking havoc upon the man in any way available to her. She can hit him, try to kill him in some melodramatic public way, slash his stores, destroy his possesions, and slander his character. Usually the high status pussy woman can do all this, but she still runs the risk of being completly dismissed as being a Crazy Bitch. But anyway most women do,t do anything so active - they turn all hostilty in towards themselves and so threaten suicide, get self-destructive or depressed and blame this man for all their troubles. Being self destructive shows everyone your,re a good girl who has been destroyed by this evil bastard person who fucked you! of course, this implied Relationship Contract works both ways - once they,ve fucked, if the man supects that the woman has goven her pussy away to someone else he can do all of the above things, he can beat her up, and do a lot of the these things to imtimidate her, convince her that she is now a Low Status Cheap Pussy Woman, and he can easily gain even more ownership and control over her now. Or, he can do it all as revenge and refuse to have anyhtign to do with her and evreyone will feel he,s perfectly justified. He can do all the evil shit i mentioned above up to murder, and GET AWAY WITH IT. Men are almost always assumed to be justified in their jealousy, while jealous women even if they are 100% pure high status Pussy, can be easily dismissed as Crazy Bitches.
OUT OF THE SYSTEM
Women who declare themselves lesbians and women who never fuck anybody are trying to remove themselves from the sexual market sytem. By " becoming a lesbian" a woman is declaring that she's not available to men anymore as a pussy. She only gives her pussy to women. Everything is supposed to be differnet from that instant where it is decided to not fuck men ever again. This is the crucial deiffernece between women who call themselves Bi and woemen who call themselves Dykes or Lesbians. If you say your,re bi, all men still treat you like pussy, i.e., you are still available to them. If you say your,re lesbian then a significant percentage of men will just leave you alone becaus they consider you out of the market, unavailable. They might might think of you as competiton even, a fellow consumer of pussy.
it is asuemed that all women of equal status - equal " oppressed" satatus, all supposed to be loving healing wemoon sisiaters ad nauseum. This assumption is obviously untrue as women may all be Pussy but they certainaly come from deifferent economic backgrounds and racial/ethnic backgrounds, one woman might have a great job and be very employable while another woman has been bankrupt and never finished school and is raising 3 kids by herself.
There is another big essentializing trip which says that, because your,re a lesbian and outside the system, you aren,t going to be an asshole to your lover like men and women are to each other. Since ostensibly neither of you own the other there is supposedly no "power relationship" and so no jealous rages bout pussy ownership. You,re outside the system forever, since you,re lesbians, there is no danger you will act "like a man "and fuck around, since women are supposed to be more naturally monogamous, and ther,s no danger you,ll fuck a man,since then you,d be "a bisexual" and Not a lesbian.
Unfortuantely this just doesn,t work. In practice either it,s assumed that one woman ina couple relationship will act "more masculine", or both women are making the same assumptions about each other. Very butch dykes act like they,re Not Pussy, start to act like men and compete for the femme dyke pussy, they commodify thier sisters by pretending they aren,t a commidty themselves. They have to guard their non-pussy status by not letting anyone know they get fucked or that they are attracted to other butches. Androgynous or "cult of natural wimminhood" lesbians are just as bad if not worse. These relationships have the WORST "dyke drama" relationship problems because the validity, the meaning, the surival of the relationship completly revolves around both women faithfully pledging their pussies to each other. The least suspicion of one women acting femme or butch or flirtious or holding back information about private thoughts, is grounds for a jealous fight over exactly what she is doing or thinking of doing or might someday do with her pussy!
And to top this off, no matter how much a lesbian might be firmly committed to Not being Pussy within her own lesbian community, in the eyes of many men, she will ALWAYS be Pussy. We,ve all heard men who are convinced that lesbians woudln,t be lesbians if they,s been fucked by HIS awesome rod of power. They just haven,t had the right one yet, heheheh..says Dickhead Bubba. Men that rape sure don,t stop to check if your,re a lesbian first. And lots of more law-abiding men completly infuriate lesbians by not respecting their declarations in other ways - repeatley trying to seduce then for example. Because of their inaccesibilty lesbians are precieved as High Status Pussy - what man wouldn,t brag about fucking a lesbian? What better proof of his manliness( & for countercultures what better proof that your a "good man" or "feminist" if a lesbian accepted your evil penis? its,s likea fucking trip to meccs or being blessed by the pope!)
There is also the fact that no matter how lesbian you are you can always change your mind. You can say till your blue in the face that your born lesbian and that it is hormonal brain chemistry or genetic thing determining your sexual orientation. But you,ve still got the pussy and you can still decide to fuck a man.
Now personally i call myself a dyke or a lesbian, I flaunt my dykehood to the world, and accept the lowered status that i get from it in this culture. I fuck men and have emotional attachtments to lots of men as well as wome and so by amybody,s defintion i;m bi. I,m not trying to hide that and i get lots of shit form lesbians and get kicked out of lesbian communties because of it. But by declaring myself lesbian, at least some men and women will think of me as unavailable pussy. Men are forced by their own sterotypes to think of me difeerently. Women that are vaguely dissatidfied with being nominally "bi" or "bi curious" yet are ina monog relationship with a man, will hopefully be inspired by me or will at least have me as a visible queer to talk to.Saying that i,m queer or dyke, just carries a hell of a lot more social meaning to people right away, than saying that i,m bi and then expalning my whole philosphy of life gender and the universe. Saying that i am a slut, on top of that, is usally very challenging to people who think of "slut "as a very negative term. They just can,t figure it out. They either decide right away that i,m stupid or naive or they ask me lots of questions and their world view is shaken somewhat which is generally a good thing! That�s why i would rather expalain why I am a proud slut to somone, than expalain how I,m a bi-dyke, it,s just more usefull propaganda.
Back to value and the market system. The women who doesn,t fuck anybody, who is a virgin or celibate, is not going to have her boundaries respected any more than the lesbian. As the Ultimate High Value Pussy she will be hotly pursued by more men than anyone. In fact this is so true that many people asume that a celibate is not sencerely committed to being celibate. They are preceived as "holding out" for the best man around, treying to make the competiton more intense. Worse, the longer they insist on remaining celibate the more they will be accused of being deliberately cruel, or unfelling. or unnatural, or unwomanly, to the men who declare their love and promise anything and work terribly hard to get to the woman,s prized unavailable Pussy. She might eve turn into a Ice Queen or a Bitch Who Thinks Her Pussy,s Made of Gold. In which case the man is practically justified in raping her. It,s not even just men who keep all these shitty ideas going, women,s romance novels are fucking full of them, thses celibate virgin women who are so fiery and powerful and determined and of course beautiful, and finally the man pretty much forces them, and they discover they like it, and they become so happy and fullfilled and filled with the penis of the man they used to hate, that the novel ends.
My point is, there,s not really any way out of the market system. So, we,re back to where we were stuck in the last part of the Slut Manifesto. If all this is even partly true, things look hopeless. What can we do? Is there any way to be a Free Pussy in the best sense of the word? Can we have a Pussy Revolution? The Revolting Pussies?! The RPA, Revolting Pussy Army? Labia Liberation? at least we could get some good puns and acronyms out of this...
And again, I get to pretty much the same place. The only thing to do is talk about these ideas a lot and be as conscious as possible about them, and try to build communities where you,re speaking the same language about sex and gender and fucking and releationships, or at least, one where all thses things are flexible and problematic. Because no matter what one person theoretically proves or decides or believes all this stuff is controlled by what meaning people give it in a community or larger society and I think you have to start with small communities of shared meaning and spread from there. Unless you have a fuckload of people and machine guns and stuff, to take over a small country and be its tyrant.
A rant by Lizzard Amazon <