Saturday, August 30, 2008


Also posted on under "Kahnawake" category.

19.08.2008 15:54:21

MNN. Aug. 17, 2008. Someone is trying to plow under the Mohawks and our history. The three clans each had their villages around a river that bore the name of their clan. Bear River is Mount Royal which is now Montreal; Wolf River is Chateauguay to the west of Kahnawake; and Turtle River is St. Constant-Laprairie-Candiac to the east of Kahnawake. The fields contain dozens of Mohawk village and burial sites.

Quebec is building a mega highway through the territory of the Iroquois Confederacy known as the protectors of the “Eastern Door” of Turtle Island. The territory has never been surrendered. Yet the Quebec government is handing out permits to companies to build on our land without our consent. These companies use our land as collateral to raise money from the public, which is criminal fraud.

To stop a further invasion and breakdown of our community, the Women Title Holders of the Rotino’shonni:onwe [the voice of the people] served a “Notice of Objection” on Canada, Quebec, the colonially established Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and their agents.

The colonial band council headed by Mike Delisle [] has supported the super highway through the middle of Kahnawake in exchange for some land and “other undisclosed considerations” citing he had made a “gentlemen’s agreement”. Nothing is in writing. It looks like a business partnership between him and Quebec. The people erected a large sign on the proposed route stating “Mohawk Territory – No Trespassing”. The Quebec Police have torn it down. Our people have gone out to the site to put it back up. The farmers of St-Constant have shown strong support for our cause. "Farmers oppose Hwy. 30 expansion" by Stefan Christoff
For more info visit: Autoroute 30 au Nord

More news to come. Read the following “Notice of Objection”. MNN Mohawk Nation News

NOTICE OF OBJECTION - August 17, 2008

Burial sites being desecrated and natural waterways being diverted

FROM: The Kanion’ke:haka/Mohawk Nation of the of the Rotino’shonni:onwe [Iroquois].

OBJECTION: To the development of Highway 30 through the territory of the northern protectors of the Iroquois Confederacy, the Kanion’ke:haka [Mohawk], who are the “Keepers of the Eastern Door”. The entity known as “ Quebec ” is attempting to illegally build Highway 30 through the ancient community of Kahnawake. Old villages, burial sites and waterways are being destroyed or diverted. This development violates the Two Row Wampum, the Kaianereh’ko:wa [the Rotino’shonni:onwe constitution] and international law as it does not have the fully informed consent of the Kanion’ke:haka. The construction permits issued by the government of Quebec are illegal. Our land cannot be alienated. Quebec is encroaching on unsurrendered Kanion’ke:haka territory and using it as collateral to raise money to fund their businesses. This constitutes fraud. It will encourage a further invasion and breakdown of our solitary community for the benefit of a few.

TO: The colonial entities that are carrying on illegal activities, known as:
- “Canada”;
- “Quebec government”;
- Chenail Construction Brinco Quarry and others;
- “Mohawk Council of Kahnawake”; and
- Any and all their agents are all squatting on our territory.

The Mohawk Council of Kahnawake who gave permission to Quebec is a “band council”, a colonial entity that is set up by the colonial entity known as “Canada”. Its members have become Canadian citizens of “Indian” ancestry". They have no legal right to make any decisions on our unceded territory. Mike Delisle Jr., the band council chief, cannot make a “personal decision” or “gentleman’s agreement” [!] to make secret deals or override the voice of the people. These foreign corporate franchises can never have title to or interest in our land;

RE: The attempt to illegally develop Highway 30 through the Kanion’ke:haka territory on the portion known as “Kahnawake” and surrounding settlements known as “St. Constant”, “Delson” and “Candiac”. This usurpation of our territory does not have the fully informed consent of the Kanion’ke:haka, violating international law.


According to Wampum 44 of the Kaianereh’ko:wa, the Great Law of Peace, we, the Kohtihon’tia:kwenio – Women Title Holders – are the caretakers of the land, water and air of “Onowaregeh” [Turtle Island]; and as trustees, our obligation is to preserve and protect the land for the future generations.

a)WHEREAS the foreign invaders cannot determine our identity. We are Haudenosaunee, Six Nations of Onowaregeh. According to the Two Row Wampum Agreement, it is illegal for colonial institutions like Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and their agents to violate internationally recognized principles of fundamental justice;

b)WHEREAS the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous People has been adopted by a majority of 144 states; international law has affirmed that colonialism is dead, that all Indigenous peoples are to be treated as equals to all other peoples; and we accordingly claim our right to the full enjoyment as collectives and as individuals to all the human rights and fundamental freedoms that have been recognized in the Charter of the United Nations, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and international law, including the right to self-determination and self-government without being subjected to forced assimilation or destruction of ourselves and our culture.

c)WHEREAS respect for our rights is entrenched in the constitution of Canada, the British North America Act, Sections 109 and 132;

d)WHEREAS the Charter of the United Nations has been signed by its members to resolve differences peacefully without using force. According to the July 7th 2008 decision of the Ontario Court of Appeal, the indigenous people have a right to freedom of speech and to demonstrate to protect our lands without hindrance;

e)WHEREAS Canada has ascribed to the internationally recognized standards for respecting political rights of the People as set out in the international Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, the Convention on the Prevention of Genocide, United Nations Convention on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights and other international legal instruments;

f)WHEREAS General Assembly Resolution 1541 (XV) requires the informed consent of the people before they are included in another state; and the international Court of Justice affirmed this Resolution in the Western Sahara case; and the Indigenous people never consented to be part of Canada;

g)WHEREAS Canada must abide by the international law principles that there can be no arbitrary encroachment on Indigenous peoples; ignoring the true Indigenous people is illegal; independent Indigenous peoples’ rights must be respected and heeded; and our perspectives on the issues must not be ignored. Canada cannot legally deal with its band council system or other colonial entities on behalf of the true Indigenous People. We are independent sovereign people who must be dealt with as a nation.

h)WHEREAS the Kanion’ke:haka have a constitution. We cannot be governed by foreign laws that we have always resisted and we will continue to resist the usurpation of our territory and resources;

i)WHEREAS states must provide redress for violations of our rights through effective mechanisms; we hereby notify Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and all their agents that their attempt to build Highway 30 on the said part of our territory is unlawful and will be resisted. They must deal with the Women Title Holders who are the lawful owners of the territory through diplomatic relations.


Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and other colonial agents must cease and desist their attempts to violate our authority by building Highway 30; that they must deal with us as a nation as required under both our law and international law; that any individual or foreign entity wishing to discuss any issues between us must provide full information through the proper diplomatic channel, which is the Governor General of Canada, who has a duty to inform us.

We, the Kohtihon’tia:kwenio, brought this matter to the attention of Canada in an action in the Supreme Court of Canada – Kanion’ke:haka Kaianereh’ko:wa Kanon’sesneh v. Attorney General of Canada and her Majesty the Queen in Right of Ontario, Court File: 05-CV-030785. This case in effect acknowledged that Canada has no authority over us and our territory. We remain independent and sovereign.


1)The Women Title Holders will not tolerate the violations of our constitution, ancient customs, traditions, inherent rights and agreements by Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and its agents who are attempting to encroach on our territory. The colonists are breaking their own laws by openly desecrating our historic rivers and village sites and burial grounds. At least 8 sites have been found on the proposed route. Natural waterways are being diverted. No valid environmental studies have been carried out.

2)We invite Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnawake and their agents to resolve our differences in a mature and peaceful way, by rediscovering and brightening the spirit of the Two Row Wampum and the Covenant Chain that began our international relationship centuries ago.

3)Should Canada, Quebec, the Mohawk Council of Kahnwake and their agents continue to breach our rights, we shall take the necessary measures available to us in the international arena to correct the injustices that have been committed against us.

4)It is unacceptable to abuse people on the basis of race, religion, nationality, belief or membership in a particular social group. We invite all members of the colonizing societies to become partners with us to end this cycle of abuse, stop enforcing illegal jurisdiction over us and our territory, halt the illegal construction of Highway 30 and extend dignity, equality and a voice to all peoples.


Karakwine /s/ ________________ Turtle Clan

Contact:; phone 514-458-4976; address - Box 2208, Kahnawake [Quebec Canada] J0L 1B0. Sent to: All media; Canada, Quebec; Queen Elizabeth II; United Nations, Six Nations Confederacy: Kanion’ke:haka [Mohawks] of Wahta, Six Nations, Tyendinaga, Akwesasne, Kahnawake, Kanehsatake, Ganienkeh and Kanatiohareke; stock exchanges;Ethnoscop; Chateauguay and St. Constant Historical Societies; Cities of Montreal, Chateauguay, St. Constant, Laprairie, Delson, St. Catherine; Governor General of Canada; Minister of Indian Affairs.

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Read and learn along with me?...

I was trying to find a definition for "hinge" tonight...that's what I am and probably will continue to be in any relationships I have as long as I'm with Papster until we find someone we can both love and desire who feels the same way about both of us. But I'm not holding my breath or holding out for that. Our tastes are very different. So, in the meantime I guess I'll remain hinge woman. i found this list of definitions here...

Some Notes on Poly Terms and Concepts

This document discusses in detail the most important terms used by poly folk, along with the concepts behind them. The goal here is only to cover commonly accepted and understood terms specifically related to poly discussions, but to cover these in some depth. They are grouped logically; for an alphabetic index, see the end.

For a more dictionary oriented approach (alphabetized short definitions of nearly every word even peripherally related to poly), see this language guide or this glossary . For internet poly discussion acronyms see Joe's list . For another short list of poly terms, see

Contact the author, Zhahai Stewart (zhahai(at), with corrections, additional info and suggestions.

Polyamory, Polyamorous. (Shorthand: Poly) The core concept of polyamory is being involved in or open to multiple loving relationships, in a context of honesty and negotiation. The word roots are poly = multiple, and amor = love (specifically the sexual/romantic kind of love). Not in the roots but very important is the commitment to honesty with all partners, and openly negotiated ground rules. (The term was coined in 1990 by Morning Glory Zell)

Monogamy, Monogamous. The core concept of monogamy as used today is of exactly two people in a sexually and romantically exclusive relationship. This relationship is substantially based on exchanged promises of sexual exclusivity - whether or not these promises are kept. A common form today is Serial Monogamy, wherein there may be multiple monogamous relationships over time, but the participants are supposed to have no more than one partner at a time.

The roots and earlier meaning of monogamy was "one marriage", referring only to a legally and societally recognized marriage. Today it applies to serious relationships with or without legal marriage. Our society now has some space for discreet multiple relationships (ie: not prosecuting them under adultery or fornication laws), but not for multiple legal marriages (which, called bigamy, is still illegal and enforced).

Polyamory is not the only alternative to monogamy, nor is it the "opposite".

Polyfidelity. A form of polyamory involving a closed group marriage (or marriage-like relationship), in which all adult members are considered primary to each other. As coined by Kerista community (1971-1991), this also included the expectation that all adults of compatible sexual orientations would be sexual with each other, but today many polyfides do not expect this..

Note that that in her 1996 book Lesbian Polyfidelity, author Celeste West uses "polyfidelity" pretty much as others use "polyamory", described above. This usage did not catch on much with the broader poly community, which by then already had the well-established meanings for the terms polyamory and polyfidelity.

Polygamy, Polygyny, Polyandry. These are anthropological terms, not much used within the poly movement. They refer respectively to multiple marriages in general, marriages of multiple women to one man, and of multiple men to one woman. Polygyny has been much more common among world cultures than polyandry, and many non-anthropologists have used polygamy to refer mainly to polygyny, for example among the Mormons. These have mainly referred to marriages recognized by the culture in question. Consider these terms background info, not very useful in today's poly subculture.

Sex. Is polyamory "about sex."? Yes and no. For most polyamorists, the core attraction is "amor" or "amour" -- love, albeit romantic/erotic love. Mostly the focus is on relationships. However, poly definitely involves sex as well, and it's the sexual aspect which distinguishes polyamory from monogamous couples with close platonic friendships.

Open Marriage, Open Relationship. A form of polyamorous relationship in which there may also be other lovers who are not partners in the given relationship. Most commonly, this refers to a primary couple who may have secondary relationships. The term "Open Marriage" was coined by the O'Neils in their 1972 book by the same name. The bulk of the book was about expanded options for self fulfillment in a less confining relationship, but one chapter explored the idea of this including having other lovers, and it is this aspect of openness to which the term refers today.

Open and Closed. This has expanded to a more general concept which can be applied to couples or multipartner primary relationships. An open relationship may allow partners to have additional lovers who are not part of this relationship; a closed one requires that members not be lovers with anybody not "inside" it. Some closed relationships make provision for others to potentially "join".

Primary and Secondary. These terms are very widespread, very important, and yet also very controversial. Some people try to avoid them entirely, for philosophical reasons. Others use the terms, but not always in quite the same way. There are two major usages.

The more common usage roughly describes types of relationships. A "primary" relationship is marriage like; see also "nesting" relationships. It typically involves living together, often involves sharing finances or child raising. Life decisions are often made jointly, eg: where to live; jobs or careers to take, build or depart; bearing or adopting children. Any of these may or may not exist in a given relationship considered primary by those involved. A "secondary" relationship is one generally not involving these things. Typically it involves living separately, having separate finances, and acting more as (perhaps very close) friends than as full partners in major life decisions. In this usage, one could have one primary, no primaries, or several primaries; and also zero or more secondary relationships. Some people have only secondary relationships by choice or circumstances; some have more than one primary. This usage is a description of the kind of interweaving of lives involved in a particular pairing. It does not necessarily reflect the relative depth of love or understanding.

A somewhat less common usage for primary and secondary is for ranking. The most involved partner is primary by definition, the less involved is secondary, etc. In this usage, one cannot have two primaries, or a secondary with no primary. Some poly folk tend to avoid these terms so as to avoid any implied ranking which they do not want to endorse, or do not identify with.

"Tertiary" is less commonly used. Some people distinguish still another type of relationship, with less interweaving of lives than a "secondary". There it however little consensus over the differences between secondary and tertiary, and many people don't use the latter term at all. You'll have to ask what an individual considers the difference to be. (Of course, for those using primary and secondary for ranking, tertiary simply means the third most involved).

Nesting. A nesting relationship means about the same as "primary" (the more common usage) - two or more people living together and building a closely shared life. This is preferable to some, to avoid the "ranking" implication. This eads to the obvious alternative of a non-nesting relationship (sometimes called secondary).

Triad, Quad. A triad is a three way relationship of some sort, often but not always referring to a primary relationship. Also "triadic". A quad would be a four person relationship. Five and six person combinations could be called pentads and hexads, but the higher the number, the fewer such relationships exist, so the terms become less commonly used or understood.

Dyad. Just another name for a pair or couple relationship, standalone or as one piece of a larger relationship. Often used as "dyadic".

Vee, Triangle. Three way relationships may be fairly symmetric with all three pairs being fairly equally involved (a triangle); or two of the pairs may be substantially more bonded than the third pair (a vee or V, think of the letter V). Of course, there is a scale between a fully symmetric triangle and a Vee with the people at the ends being very disconnected, with most triads somewhere along the spectrum. Also, some triads may describe themselves differently in emotional versus sexual connections, so it's quite possible for example to have a sexual Vee and an emotional triangle.

Some people talk about N's or Z's, and W's or M's; you can guess the configurations they have in mind by analogy with the V. There is no consensus about proper usage of these "letter shape" terms.

Hinge. In the case of a Vee relationship (or similar dynamics in a more complex relationship), the "person in the middle", more bonded to each end than they are to each other, is sometimes called the hinge. One can imagine a hinge being more widely spread the less connected the others are to each other. Without the hinge person, the others would often go their separate ways.

MFM, FMF, FFM, MMF, FFF etc. Sometimes the genders of a triad are given acronymically as a short description of some of the dynamics. If it's a Vee relationship, the hinge is typically in the middle. Obviously extensible to more than three, though less commonly.

New Relationship Energy, NRE. The surge of erotic and emotional energy in a relatively new relationship. Over time, relationships change to a more sustainable set of energies, or dissolve. NRE tends to be more overtly exciting by contrast, a factor poly folks need to take into account and compensate for. (Term coined in mid 80's by Zhahai Stewart)

Compersion. The positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy. May coexist with "jealous" feelings. Coined by the Kerista Commune (San Francisco, 1971-1991)

Cheating, adultery, and many other names. The not-uncommon shadow side of monogamy involves making promises of sexual exclusivity but secretly not always keeping them. The dramas involved are part of the monogamous worldviews.

Swinging. Another variant or modification to monogamy, involving sexual exploration in an environment structured to contain it without damage to an otherwise monogamous relationship. Like polyamory, it involves honesty and consent. Unlike polyamory it typically tries to stringently avoid love, romance or relationships outside the existing pair (though friendships are OK), and is engaged in mainly by couples (though some groups allow single women as well; rarely are single men allowed). Lifestyles is another term used for this option.

The swinging subculture is generally very different from poly subculture, and almost nobody could fail to notice the difference in conferences, gatherings, parties, magazines, email groups or other manifestations of the two movements. Nevertheless, a few people are involved in both movements, or tend to operate in a grey area "in the middle". Human lives and hearts don't always fit neatly into a set of mutually exclusive boxes.

Responsible non-monogamy. Typically another term for polyamory, favored by Deborah Anapol.

Cowboy. Somebody who figures that these alternative relationships are unstable, and consciously or unconsciously tries to pull one of the partners off into a monogamous relationship with themselves. References "cutting a filly out of the herd".

Parrot. The parrot is a common poly "mascot" or symbol. Punning on "poly wanna X".

Mormons, Church of Latter Day Saints. The Mormons originally practiced a form of polygamy (specifically polygyny - multiple husbands was not OK, only multiple wives). A few renegades still do. This is culturally not part of the polyamorous movement; it's yet anther alternative to monogamy.

Stranger in a Strange Land. A science fiction book by Robert Heinlein (1962) which served as an inspiration to many poly folks before the term "polyamory" was even invented. Not as an exact model, so much as a breaking of the cultural assumptions. Also inspired the neopagan Church of All Worlds, which has been a long term poly hotbed (the term polyamory was coined by two prominent members).

Intimate Network. Sometimes poly folks are embedded in a network of relationships, with friends and lovers and ex lovers and maybe future lovers, who themselves may be friends, lovers, ex and future lovers with each other. Some may be couples, some may be single, some could be in larger groups. Deborah Anapol labeled this an intimate network.

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

(un)Manly men...this should have been posted with the video...

When I posted this last night I didn't post everything I should have.
I sent a link to this vid to my new love last night as a gift. He loved it as much as I did. Typing madly, excitedly back and forth we both agreed that queens are so hot and fuckable. We'd like to meet one, cruise her and share. Happy. :)

I read some of this to Shmolee one day in lieu of a fairy tale while he sat in his incantation, a protection from the gender mad idiocy of this world he was born into. I don't know if it'll be enough. But I'm pretty powerful at making lingual charms when I get ready. :)

From Bitch Goddess - The Spiritual Path Of The Dominant Woman

excerpted from Tellers of Fortune, Dealers of Fate: Dark Goddesses and Unmanly Men in Northern European Traditions by Bill Karpen

"For many centuries, unmanly men in the northern lands of Europe have made sacrifices to, muttere prayers to, incanted spells beseeching, danced in ecstasy for, seen visions from, and adorned themselves as the goddesses of that region. These are the goddesses who make the snow fly in the heart of winter, who gather the souls of the dead and lead the spirits of the unborn on their midnight sojourns, who teach the arts of seeing to humankind, who weave the grisly sinews of fate.

Somewhere the unmanly men got lost in the stories that have come down to us, the fairy stories of how things used to be. The storytellers no longer understood the tales of the men in skirts who seek visions or work strange forms of magic or speak with animals and the spirits of the woods or the dead. they did not fathom the role these men had in the tales, and so they changed the stories to make sense once again, only without those men. And then again many stories must surely have been forgotten because they no longer made sense without such men in them.

Sometimes one sees glimmers, such as the boy who cooks and tends house while his brothers go out to hunt in the forest. He it is who coaxes secrets from his mother and befriends the sister they have sworn to slay. He is the one whose arm remains in the shape of a swan's wing, harking back to a time when such transformations were the mark of such men as he. And then there are the tales of masked boys dressed as beautiful and ugly Perchtas and other masked figures wearing cowbells who beat each other with sticks at Carnaval in order to bring abundance. Or even the tale of the little one who finds himself in a family of ducks until he discovers those graceful and powerful beings called swans, finding as well that he is one of them."

"In the stories of the first of these unmanly men, men called them cowcunts of sorcery, bitches of prophecy. Not always well loved were they, for some deemed them less than men and therefore contemptible. Among some peoples, they were drowned in swamps, and the was one, Eyvindr by name, who was tied to a sea rock and overcome by the tide. There was Ragnvald Rettlebone, who was burnt or else drowned along with eighty more. Unloved they were, feared because of their unmanly skirts, their uncanny powers, their unfettered lust. They straddled the abyss between man and woman, animal and human, society and wilderness, life and death, safety and danger, spirit and flesh, blessing and curse. Murder was the only means of controlling these creatures, of fixing their ebbs and their flows, of making them safe.

She roams the outskirts of civilized places, for those who have created these places do not know her, do not understand her, and there is no place for her within walls of the known world. The walls bar one from being whole. Women are like such and such; men like so and so. But she is not one of their women, and the men who follow her are not their men. Even aftr all this time, these fey men remember that she is the mistress of some other realm, a realm where they have a place."

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Second Waver, our conversation early Friday night reminded me...

Second Waver, thanks for chatting with me on Friday evening. It did add another dimension to our ongoing interaction. I think the conversation was fuller because it wasn't contained within a blog post and comment format.

I remember you mentioning how young so many of us feminists are. :) I'm smiling and thinking about the difficult spot I'm sitting in...always an inbetweener, it seems. There are some really young wimmin. They try to treat me like an elder woman. They sometimes try to move in a way that assumes that what is cool, novel, cutting edge will automatically flow from their direction to me by virtue of them being younger than me. hee, hee! It's been quite a while since I encountered even one of them who could keep up with me when I start traveling and theorizing. Let them just chillaxin' and keep learning and coming into their own, I say. Maybe one day they'll be able to give me a run for my money. But right now? Nah. hee, hee!
But I realize that at least chronologically I'm definitely a young'un when stacked up next to feminists like you and Papi's mama. But the years are tricky, aren't they? There are things that you've seen that I just am too young to have witnessed. That's the plain fact of the matter. But in terms of certain experiences, maybe our experiences as feminists, as queer wimmin...maybe sometimes our experiences will just have to be seen as different. You've been to Michigan, gawddammit! I don't know if I'll ever allow myself to enter their gates. I think it would be triggering for me.
I'd been meaning to put a piece of this woman's writing here to ponder. You talked about being seen as crone and about how this differed from how you understood yourself. I talked about preparing to be crone and diligently doing crone homework. I know there will be no one to usher me through that door with carefully conceived rites of passage. I prepare to hold my own hand and to birth myself when the time comes, when the time is right. In the meantime I collect memories of all the powerful, intelligent, courageous, beautiful crones I encounter or have ever encountered. I carry the lessons they teach with me. I smile with them on the streets when I see wild ones bucking systems of ageist domination, eyes flashing, strides powerful...I will be one of them some day. I wander on the outskirts of that experience and can only hope to find my way with something that looks like grace and self knowledge.

From Bitch Goddess
"Becoming the Crone"
by Lamar Van Dyke

Oh well, here it was. Another reminder that my existence was, in fact, tied in with something larger than me. I was determined to welcome this inevitable change into my life and just go with it. After all, we all grow older. Our appearance changes. Our ideas and priorities change. I wanted to make this particular change work to my advantage as much as possible. I'd heard about something called post-menopausal zest. I hadn't heard very much about it, but I'd heard it mentioned here and there. I decided to go in search of it, to investigate its existence, and see if it could be incorporated into my life. I'd heard it was the feeling you get when you are released from those regular hormonal ups and downs that we've become accustomed to. I'd heard that when the erratic ups and downs of menopause cease to exist, we are able to maintain an emotional even keel that is so refreshing and invigoratin that we have more energy than ever before. I wanted this. I was willing to endure whatever trials would come my way in order to explore this secret hiding place of female personal power.

That was eight years ago. I'm there now and have been for quite a while. It's better than I ever anticipated. I'm no longer a slave to my hormones, and my mind is clearer than ever. I have seemingly unlimited creative energy, and my personal power base feels rather unshakeable at this point. Sometimes I make jokes about getting a face lift. I look at myself in the mirror and see someone who is heavier than i remember her, who is more wrinkled than I remember her...but I also see someone who is pleased with who she grew up to be.

When I was a teenager and very impressionable, a man turned around abruptly, bumped into me, had to look up to find my face and asked incredulously, "What?-are you an amazon or something?" In retrospect I think he meant it as a put-down, but the effect it had on me was immediate. I liked the sound of that word. It made me smile and feel good inside. The only thing I knew about amazons was that they were big strong women who didn't take any shit from anyone and that for some reason they were extinct. They had a reputation for being women who did what they wanted, lived how they wanted, fucked who they wanted amd basically determined the parameters of their own existence. It sounded good to me.


So now, I'm an older dyke. I know this because I have wrinkles, gravity is taking its toll, and I have more patience than I know what to do with. I feel the same inside my mind. My body is simply going in its own direction. Once you accept that fact, it's sort of fascinating to watch.


If you are used to using lube, which I would think most of are (after all, fisting without lube is a completely different event than fisting with lube), you don't even notice if your pussy is drying up. Seeing as this was, initially, one of my biggest concerns about menopause, I'm now very amused that I have no idea if this has happened to me. I have lots of good sex in my life, I'm not experiencing any discomfort, and my supposedly old brittle bones are not cracking under the strain of it all.


This age thing keeps coming up. It's occurred to me that when I'm 72 she'll be 48, which is the age I am now. I suspect at that point I might be too old for her. I'm doing personal research in this area. I find myself looking at women in their seventies and wondering if I would fuck them. I find myself searching for that elusive spark of sexuality in what we consider to be the geriatric set. Sometimes there's something about their eyes and sometimes I want to touch their skin. I've heard that it's unbelievably soft. But really, it all seems to come down to the cellular memories and experiences that you access when you have sex. It's where you go when you close your eyes, it's how you feel when you pool your energies. Oh, yeah, there's the curve of a hip or the line of a jaw. But physical attraction is so dependent on who lives inside of that body. If someone's body is old then you have an opportunity to access their experiences, access their knowledge, and of course, access their expertise.

What's the spark that gets you there? How do we cross the line between respecting our elders and fucking their lights out? How do we as older women make it clear that we're still interested in sex, fun, and rock-and-roll? How do we grow old gracefully and stay open to new and unusual experiences?


The power of the crone comes from not caring what other people think about us. It comes from caring what we think of ourselves. It comes from basing our criteria on our own experience, not on other people's values and judgements. It's the power of self-confidence and integrity. It's not based on how we look, it's based on who we are and what we care about. I think crones are simply amazons grown older. Women who have accessed our amazon ancestry and who draw their strength from their knowledge and understanding of where we come from....


She wrote a whole lot more between these snippits. She wasn't where you are age wise when she wrote this, Second Waver, but I liked her approach nonetheless. Would like to hear what she's thinking about the experience of aging right now...this book was published in '97. In any case these were some of the bits that really stayed with me.

Gotta run, I'm being messaged. hee, hee!

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I would have run, too...neither of my children are vaccinated...

SYDNEY (AFP) - A couple have fled their home in Australia and gone into hiding with their two-day-old son to avoid having him forcibly vaccinated against hepatitis B, a report said on Saturday.

The family, including the boy's mother who was diagnosed with hepatitis B several years ago, went on the run after a court ordered them to vaccinate the newborn against the disease that can lead to liver cancer and cirrhosis, according to the Sydney Morning Herald.

"We gathered some things and fled the house," the unidentified father, a financial adviser, told the paper after leaving his Sydney home.

"I don't agree with the one-size-fits-all policy. He is a small baby (2.49 kilograms) and they give the same dose to babies twice his size. I just wanted time to get more information about the vaccine."

The baby's father and Chinese-born mother went into hiding Friday when child protection authorities won a state Supreme Court order after the couple refused to have their son vaccinated following his birth in a Sydney hospital.

The couple believe aluminium in the vaccine could cause him more damage than contracting hepatitis B. They feel the disease could be more effectively managed than any potential neurological damage they fear the child might contract from the vaccine, they told the Herald,

While vaccinations are not compulsory in Australia, New South Wales state health policy mandates that parents of all babies born to hepatitis-B-positive mothers must be offered immunoglobulin for the child within 12 hours of birth and four doses of the vaccine over six months.

When the father failed to show up for a doctor's appointment to find out more about the risks of vaccinations, he was told the child would be taken from him for vaccination, prompting the family to flee, he told the paper.

He also admitted that he had refused to have his daughter vaccinated against hepatitis B when she was born in 2005.

One of the doctors who alerted state authorities to the couple's refusal to have the baby vaccinated said the child's rights were being ignored.

"I am a strong believer in vaccinations being voluntary but not getting this baby vaccinated is a form of child abuse," said David Isaacs, a professor in paediatric infectious diseases.

"We are talking a potentially major and awful outcome for this child and it is our job to protect children when they can't make decisions for themselves," the Herald quoted him as saying.

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Friday, August 22, 2008

The Oankali only breed in threes...

I've come across a lot of white poly people who reference Robert Heinlein's seminal book "Stranger In A Strange Land" as a sort of poly people handbook...I think is what they're saying.

I read Heinlein in junior high. I needed to travel far away and sci-fi and fantasy offered me daily trips to other worlds, I could leave in the morning, explore a whole solar system, planet, culture, conflict, relationship, hero/heroine and be back home in time to scrounge up something that remotely resembled dinner.

I might go back and re-read now with a fuller understanding informed by a life so far well lived. But in truth, my poly "bible" (complete with a hardcore critique of gender to boot) is the dystopic trilogy Lilith's brood where the Oankali, a race that breeds in threes where the two parents don't mix up their own dna stew in one of their bodies, but instead have it done offsite via a third sex called an ooloi, has defined what I understand as possible in terms of poly for quite some time.
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The Oankali are a race of intelligent extraterrestrial aliens in Octavia Butler's Xenogenesis book trilogy (Dawn, Adulthood Rites, and Imago, also published in an omnibus edition under the title Lilith's Brood).

After the near-extinction of humanity in a nuclear war, the Oankali arrive in an organic interstellar ship and rescue the few remaining survivors for the purpose of genetic "trade": they intend to interbreed with humanity. In particular, certain types of cancer are extremely valuable, as studying and integrating them will enhance Oankali healing and regenerating abilities.

Oankali are natural genetic engineers, and are driven to seek out new lifeforms and trade with them in order to keep themselves from overspecializing and stagnating. They travel between the stars in immense living ships, and send down smaller ships as shuttles and to plant living communities.

The Oankali, their ships, their various specialized organisms, and all life on Earth after contact, contain the Oankali organelle in every cell. This organelle, much like human mitochondria, was once an independent microscopic organism which entered a symbiotic relationship with the ancient Oankali. The books suggest that the organelle is the driving force in Oankali civilization, to acquire and absorb biological diversity.



[edit] Appearance and physiology

Most of the Oankali seen in the books have been modified to resemble humans in size and shape, and use spoken language, to facilitate interaction with humanity. The Oankali apparently do this prior to first contact with a new species. Before meeting humanity, they had an elephant-sized slug-like form, which communicates by direct neural connection, since they have no vocal organs and no sense of hearing. Individuals who have chosen not to participate in the trade (known as the Akjai group) have kept this form.

The Oankali are covered with sensory tentacles in unique patterns, and also have sensory patches. Sensory tentacles can directly connect Oankali to other organisms, nerve system to nerve system. They can also sting lethally if the Oankali is attacked; only individuals of the ooloi gender have the ability to control the toxicity of their sting.

Sensory tentacles indicate Oankali emotions. The tentacles go smooth against the body when pleased or happy, merge into cones pointed at people or things when interested, and retract into knots when frustrated or frightened, a vestige of the sting reflex response.

The tentacles give Oankali senses greater range than those of humans. They perceive the ultraviolet and infrared spectrums and hear a greater range of frequencies. Because of their heightened senses, Oankali can easily read unconscious human non-verbal communication and see no problem with acting on a human's unspoken desires if they are at odds with their spoken wishes. Oankali can hear human heartbeats at a distance, as well as sub-vocalization (words murmured to oneself without actually opening the mouth), and their scent allows them to detect the species, gender, and emotional status of humans. This has contributed to some humans' (wrong) belief that the Oankali can read minds.

Oankali can consume practically anything organic, though they consider eating other animals immoral. Their digestion is highly efficient and they produce almost no wastes. They can breathe in water as easily as in air, and need far less oxygen than humans. Their bodies are highly resistant to injury and heal rapidly; even gunfire is unlikely to seriously injure them. They are immune to most poisons and toxic inorganic substances, which they can usually resist and expel from their bodies with minor difficulties.

Internal anatomical detail is not discussed extensively in the books, but it is known that Oankali have two hearts and a specialized organ called yashi employed for collection, preservation and manipulation of genetic material; the ooloi yashi is larger and has more complex abilities than that of females and males.

Present-day Oankali have undergone extensive genetic manipulation, incorporating traits from numerous other lifeforms on other planets.

[edit] Reproduction

Oankali have three sexes: male, female, and ooloi. All three are necessary for reproduction and the social system. Children are born sexless (eka) and go through a period of metamorphosis before they become adult. In English, ooloi are referred to by the neuter pronoun it.

Ooloi have an additional pair of "sensory arms", specialized organs for connecting to other organisms, absorbing genetic information, and making alterations. Ooloi go through a second metamorphosis, during which they develop their sensory arms (between the two metamorphoses they have some ooloi abilities but cannot reproduce). Unlike males or females, ooloi need not sting lethally.

Once a male, a female and an ooloi are mated together, the male and female find touching each other unpleasant, though not painful. All contact, whether for mating or for recreation, is mediated through the ooloi, which also genetically mixes any children and provides intense pleasure. This is the pattern imposed on humans who elect to intermingle with Oankali; the resisters are rendered sterile and left to fend for themselves, since the Oankali believe that humanity is genetically doomed to destroy itself again and consider it immoral to allow humans to reproduce under those conditions.

Excluding the obvious extra pair of arms in ooloi, specialized genital organs are absent. Other anatomical differences are not extreme; the female tends to be quite larger than the male, and the ooloi usually smaller than the two others.

The ooloi takes genetic material directly from the bodies of its partners as needed. The female is not said to have a uterus equivalent; children are kept inside her body, and exit it through a random location after a long pregnancy (15 months). Labor does not cause pain in the female, but is temporally debilitating and needs her full attention, as well as the presence of her partners.

[edit] Psychology and sociology

Oankali society is non-hierarchical and strongly group-based. Decisions are made by consensus, during which adult Oankali join together via direct neural link for debate. Direct conflict is rare, and conflicts are usually resolved by peer pressure, psychological manipulation or "going around the problem".

Nearly all Oankali are part of a family unit or a pair of siblings. Males and females usually remain in the same family, while ooloi, once mature, leave to join or found new families. Brothers and sisters of similar ages usually mate (the possible genetic problems derived of incest are avoided by the ooloi who comes from another family).

The books imply that Oankali are incapable of deliberate cruelty or deception. Their human charges are never punished or physically brutalized, but are kept under tight control and emotionally manipulated to integrate them into Oankali families. Uncontrollable, violent humans are kept permanently unconscious or sedated, and left to live their natural terms. However, even cooperative humans cannot neurally connect with other organisms, and as such they remain second class citizens within Oankali society (treated in many ways like children).

Oankali apparently have no art (at least that humans would recognize), music or written language. They have no religion other than a belief in the sacredness and continuity of life. They have perfect memories (even of experiences while unconscious) and can relay experiences and information to each other directly. This explains their indifference to perpetuating human culture.

Imago, the last book of the trilogy, implies that ooloi, unlike the other genders, are capable of deception, keeping secrets and feelings of possessiveness.

[edit] Constructs

The Oankali plan is to colonize the Earth with Oankali-human hybrids called constructs. Constructs are born from five-person family groups, ideally comprising one female Oankali, one male Oankali, one female human, one male human and one Oankali ooloi. Construct siblings come in pairs, one from the human mother, one from the Oankali mother, and remain extremely close as they grow up - the developing sex of the younger during metamorphosis is influenced by the sex of the elder.

Constructs look human to varying degrees, but all have at least one sensory tentacle, and most have sensory patches on their skin. Unlike humans, they can neurally connect with other organisms directly. Unlike Oankali, they enjoy music and have human-like sexuality (at least before they join a family).

Like Oankali, constructs go through a period of metamorphosis, during which their appearance can radically change and develop more or fewer traits of each species. Metamorphosis comes some years after going through human-style puberty.

At first, female constructs born to human females and male constructs born to Oankali females were created. Male human-born constructs were seen as too close to "the human contradiction" (intelligence combined with hierarchical behaviour), and therefore unstable and dangerous. The first male constructs were introduced carefully and slowly.

The final stage of integration of Oankali and human (or human assimilation into Oankali) was the creation of construct ooloi, at first unintentionally. These ooloi have conscious control over their own bodies even greater than Oankali ooloi, and instinctively alter themselves to look attractive to the people around them. Construct ooloi emit pheromones that calm and seduce humans, so powerful that a few minutes of exposure can turn a mortal enemy into a friend.

[edit] History

The Oankali were originally common carbon-based lifeforms. Either in their home planet or elsewhere, they acquired the Oankali organelle, and with it the need to find and combine with other organisms. One group of these ancestors, for example, gave them their characteristic stinging tentacles.

Based on their own genetic material and contributions from other species, they crafted large, resilient, plant-like organisms capable of feeding off solar radiation and travel through space carrying a self-contained environment, producing and recycling nutrients for their hosts indefinitely. A female of this species (Chkahichdahk) orbits Earth beyond the orbit of the Moon and was used to keep the human survivors. We are not told how many they were or how large the ship is.

The male ships are much smaller, used as shuttles and as the foundations for living communities. Upon settling the Earth, the Oankali took many "seeds" and planted them. These seeds grow quickly into a flat carpet-like organism that covers the ground, looks for water and nutrients, and synthesizes food for its hosts. The Oankali can instruct it to grow projections to serve as houses, walls, tables, platforms, etc. The colony where Lilith and her mates and children live is named Lo.

In due time, these organisms will cover the whole Earth and turn into females. Presumably they will fold into themselves, becoming Chkahichdahks, and depart Earth, carrying their Oankali construct hosts and the whole biosphere, and leaving behind only barren rocks. In Adulthood Rites, Lilith's construct son Akin is kidnapped and eventually comes to sympathize with a group of human resisters; he later persuades the Oankali to allow them to colonize Mars and reverse their sterilization.

Upon contact with another species, the Oankali divide themselves in three groups: Akjai, who will keep their forms and will not participate in the trade; Toaht, who will take part but will not settle the planet; and Dinso, who will come down and "harvest" the planet as explained. The books, of course, deal mostly with Oankali of the Dinso group. By the time frame of the last book, the mother ship Chkahichdahk is reproducing itself asexually, splitting in two; one daughter ship will be for the Akjai, and another for the Toaht. These two, along with the Dinso ships, will part and go their own ways in a matter of centuries, probably never to find each other again.

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Since I'm fully dealing with those phallus possessing others who do the taboo flaps and folds thang...

I thought I'd reLOAD this post as a way to ground in what I know and understand...wouldn't hurt if any of the men I've met were lurking and reading. Might give them pause to...pause and cease and desist with trying to understand me and my choices according to their systems of value...wishful thinking, I know...really, I'm an undercover Pollyanna, always hoping for a better outcome where, perhaps none is possible. We shall see...

Monday, December 03, 2007

Ripped from the pages of Second Waver...

Second Waver wrote a post...was it last week?...about male sports fans verbally and probably physically harrassing women at a sporting event.

I'm enjoying having conversation with other bloggers. I left a comment for Second Waver and then she left one and I left one...

I asked her if it would be okay for me to post what had been exchanged here and she said a'ight.

"Dark Daughta said:

It's sad. The basic problem here aren't the laws or the security guards. Wimmin are taught to please. We do as asked. We are told that taking other people's needs into consideration should come before our own. :) We are raised absent and vacant, waiting to be filled. We are raised with really low self esteem.

From there it's pretty easy for men like this to make requests and for wimmin to comply only to be slapped on the wrists.

I really think the only thing that saved me was spending all of my twenties in dyke community. I have some ideas that many dykes might find odd. But at the root who I am and what I do is quite firmly grounded in having been taught by example to ground, to think about who I am, what I want and to take no shit. I'll be a granny old, toothless and bent and I will still be able to call on the life lessons I learned there.

I think wimmin should send their daughters to live with dykes before they leave for university or college. Sort of like how the israeli government forces youth to be in the military for one year?

Yeah, going to live with dykes to learn, not so much how to fight patriarchy, cuz I did't learn about patriarchy up close until I actually decided to deal with men, but instead, learning how to find, develop, create or embrace who a young woman is.

Learning how to stand by herself. How to support her own self. How to stand firm, even if it means some see her as not popular.

I don't think that hetero mothers teach these things. Then their daughters show up at these places as prey. Sad.
10:08 AM

SecondWaver said:

Touché, dd.
I wish I had had that, as a young woman. And I wish I had known it in time for my own 2 daughters, as well. I can still try to communicate it, but they are less receptive to their mother now that they are into their 20s. (long sigh)

Still, touché!
10:40 AM

Dark Daughta said:

I think you're right about the injustice of it. Patriarchy, so simple, so ignorant, still controls so much even of where we as wimmin can progress to.

I mean...
I said that I spent years in dyke community. What I didn't say was that towards the end, I was more involved in fringe elements of the community. I attended fetish nights, erotic poetry readings for wimmin, bdsm dyke discussion groups, poly groups run by queer people...

When I decided that I wanted to cruise straight men, I came from this place.

Came into really christian, heterocentric, sexually conservative spaces where men understand and believe in the whore/madonna split. They understand some wimmin as marriageable and some wimmin as stupid prey.

These captains of (black) community took one look at my out dyke sexually self defined defiant self, filtered me through the little they understood about the world, themselves and about wimmin and framed me as prey.

The wimmin, straight and dykes, clucked they tongues, not at them, but at me. I received warnings about my behaviour...from feminist wimmin who explained that the men would talk about me. I was shoved and cursed by wimmin who understand themselves as frontline feminist workers.

I think, in their narrow little world view, me and my openly, but not apolitically sexual self was making them look like prey too. There wasn't any comprehension of resisting patriarchal norms by kicking the men in their heads and making them behave.

Nah. I needed the kick in the head, so I would remember what it means for a woman to behave.

All this to say, after I wrote the first comment, I thought about the word "prey", about how wimmin are defined as prey under patriarchy, how we teach our daughters to be prey and about how, even when/if we try to resist sexually oppressive societal norms, we will still be understood as prey in need of some teachin'.

I have bared my breasts in public. Not at a sports event. I don't attend them. I did it at the dyke march. I have bared cleavage, cuz I like tops that make love to my breasts. I have worn things that were beyond translucent in public because I love filmy things a lot.

Did I do this to attract the attention or approval of men? Mostly no. Which, by inference means sometimes Yes. After I decided I was attracted to them did I? Sometimes Yes. Did I forget who I was and come with an erotic I expected to be consumed in a patriarchal manner? Never. Did that stop my erotic from being consumed in a patriarchal manner by do-do heads who didn't understand much? Not one bit. Do I look back on all I've explored and sometimes want to scrub. Sometimes Yes. Do I look back on all I've explored and most days feel a sense of glee? Yes, yes, yes. Do I think I would have become who I am without doing any of it and most importantly without making any of the mistakes I made along the way? Nope.

Here I am, working some seriously conservative heteronormative mama/wife wear, living celibate and really, really enraged about all of it, including how little space I can access to explore a really meaty, politicized, musky, defiant erotic.

I'm not so worried about those wimmin. I'm worried about me and how much I'm going to have to disguise, shrivel, deny my erotic in a world where so many, many feminists understand the overtly expressed erotic as synonymous with patriarchal oppression.

S.W. I've got a whole body and at some point, I would like to again experience all of what it can do/feel/show, without having to worry about what the wimmin who should be, who could be my natural allies, mounting as fierce an offense to my exposed bits, as any stadium security officer ever could.

Thank you so much for writing this post. And, as always, thanks for engaging with me.

Do you mind if I put this exchange on my blog?
11:49 AM

SecondWaver said...

Blog away!

I say this. According to who, and why, are our breasts "indecent," and men's are not? According to who, and why, are our breasts sexual, and men's are not sexual?

Twisty asked, after her second mastectomy, whether she would get in trouble at the pool going topless: whether all women, with or without breasts, are prohibited from going topless. I say, we need to repeal those "indecent exposure" laws because they're so sexist. (Those opponents of repealing it would base their opposition on the fact that we *are* prey, to use the right word!)
12:30 PM"

Papi says that aliens, if they came down tomorrow, would be so confused about many of the rituals human beings engage in on the daily. They would look at us and wonder how we can tell so many big and bold lies to ourselves about who we are and about why we do the things we do.

He laughs when I use really plain english to try and talk about the sorts of rituals we have been taught to uphold and understand as completely necessary. I explain to him that when I feel oppressed by widely held beliefs assumed to be unavoidable by people I encounter, I try to offer myself support by breaking down what is being offered in the most cutting and irreverent ways possible.

Here's my idea of what an alien explorer/scientist would write down about human beings and their bizarre fascination, domination and control of the "breast". If the alien had been observing us and witnessed the above mentioned sporting event, a report back to home base might sound a bit like...

"The first thing you need to understand is that species - "human", has a pathological need to divide and categorize themselves so as to allot or deny the planet's resources. These divisions are arbitrary and are enforced to the point where members of the species will actually do each other physical harm if they feel that the rules of any of the precious rituals are being threatened. Most engagements are completely based on certain rituals that support divisions that seem to be completely unnecessary in that their only purpose is to exercise, hold or deny power.

Most humans agree that something they call "gender" is extremely important. They have built a lot of their collective living gatherings, what they call "societies" around "gender".

It seems they have divided their species according to "genitals" which are certain easily hidden orifices covered by taboo folds of skin hanging between the major ambulatory appendages what they call their "legs".

The afore mentioned orifices, these genitals, are held in high regard, also hidden away, also thought about with a high degree of fascination, especially by human males who often try to push their orifice covered with fold of skin, their "penises" into the orifice hidden behind the flaps of skin of the human females, their "vaginas". Human males are so absorbed with this insertion that some will even go so far as to attempt to do this action either by invitation or by force.

All this to say, there is much about this species that I don't understand. Their relationships are structured with the majority it seems believing that it is necessary for humans to choose their mates according to their genitals. They believe that maintaining a high number of human beings necessitates maintaining close ties with a human being who has a genital skin flap different than their own.


Most humans also believe in the importance of choosing a mate based on the percentage of an obscure cell found in the majority of the species which is understood to hold major significance for everyone on the planet. They call it "melanin".

But as I was saying earlier, about the flaps of feeder flesh hanging off the chests of human females, their "breasts". These flaps are very important ritual objects to human beings in general.

Odd, even under clothing the fleshy chest flaps are only defined by the majority of the species as acceptably displayed if they are harnessed in painful or uncomfortable contraptions known as brassieres.

Recently there was an event that outlines how these flaps define so much about human social engagement.

It seems that this group of human males were trying to railroad the human females into taking their torso coverings and showing these chest flaps which are also function as nutrient liquid containers designed specifically to feed human infants.

It seems as if the two flaps of skin protruding or hanging from the chests of human females are longed after by the male of the species still hoping for the nurturance of biological female parents well into their adulthood.

It seems as if human male fascination with the chest flap nutrient containers of the female of the species masks a deep longing for the fleshy nutrient filled flaps of flesh of a female parent.

It seems to me that human males transfer this longing for what they refer to as "mama" to other females of the species, oddly enough, especially to female peers, by constructing the above mentioned food providing flappy appendages as desirable commodities.

Human males actually understand the chest flaps of human females as desireable and forbidden. The longing for the female parent, projected onto another female seems to excite human males to the point of frenzy. This excitement is not often shared by human females, who often demonstrate high levels of fear and anxiety when confronted with the almost pathological chest flap nutrient liquid container reminder of "mama" mistakenly referred to as "desire" of human males.

The fleshy chest flaps of human females are almost unanimously hidden away by law on most parts of the planet, defined as taboo to only be seen within the confines of mating experiences which many human beings insist must happen away from others of their kind. Despite what my research shows about human males and females not secretly needing or wanting to stay with one cross gendered partner for the entirety of their existence, many humans also insist that this mating rite, must happen between only two human adults bearing different hidden orifice fold configurations, where the male has signed papers of ownership that he understands allows him unlimited access to her chest flaps and hidden orifice folds, what human beings call marriage.

Fascinating. Human beings have ritualized their bodily flaps and folds so as to better control themselves and each other. Exposed in a group setting, the flaps of skin are considered, due to their constructed taboo nature, as desireable and transgressive. If seen by a male in a group setting, this viewing of the fleshy flaps and/or folds is widely believed to be an invitation to expect, request or to force sexual relations on the human female.

If these flesh flaps, the "breasts" of human females are even slightly exposed, what they call "cleavage" or completely exposed, what some males call "lapdance", females whose chest appendages are exposed in this way can be called upon by an individual male or by a group of males, to make herself available for mounting on request.

This is because according to what I call "the ritualized rules of the flaps and folds" a human female automatically looses a certain amount of status (which is limited access to power and resources) and protection (from other humans who may attempt to impact or change the nature of her access to power and resources) if she is seen without her flap and fold coverings by anyone, but most importantly by a human male who does not have papers of ownership.

In effect an exposed female is understood to have become partner to all or any male who looks upon either her chest flaps or her hidden orifice covered by flaps.

It's all very complicated and arbitrary, I know. The other species on the planet have less arbitrary, more easily understood social structures. Next I'll be sending you a report on the a giant sea slug. Now those are sane animals.

In most places around the planet, if a human female has been mounted without having a male sign documents, she will not be able to take her complaints to the tribal elders, what humans call "taking it to court", if she is understood to have exposed either her chest flaps or her genital orifice and folds. This is because females of the species who expose their own taboo hidden regions are understood to be inviting the gaze of the male of the species. These females can count on no support if any given male decides to mount them against their will.
I'll come back to work on this some more. But, I think what I'm getting at comes across, no?

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.


jokerine has left a new comment on your post "This is for me...for me on those days when the com...":


I come by to meet you and am afraid to engage with you. right now I am numb. I eat. I sleep. and that is about all. I read words but cannot take them in, process their meaning.

There is so much going on in my life now. Relationships changing, painfully. So much energy wasted clinging to what was, to avoid that laid bare rawness of being vulnerable. and sad.

I am learning to let go. It is very hard for this 26 year old. I try to pass away the time away reading or sorting. And then I go to sleep and when I wake up and turn to cudlle close to him, he is not there.

I feel like a tree stunted by too much wind in an exposed position. I hope someone will come an put me in a more protected place, so I can thrive again. But there is nobdy. I am grown up and need to move myself. Also very painful.

But I will continue coming back and hopefully soon I will feel abel to engage meaningfully again.

Yes, very painful. I'm sorry about what you're going through. I read you and remembered the many times I'd been in just that place, curled up, crying, yearning, replaying, falling back into memories of (head shake...sigh...) of times that just won't come again no matter how much I sleep my day away...
I get it. I appreciate you even writing this. I won't say "feel better soon" because that just won't help, now will it? Maybe I'll just write the obvious: "You'll come out the other side eventually. You'll know more things. You'll be resilient and powerful in ways you hadn't foreseen. Just wait. It'll come." Bye for now, Paula.

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Yes, let's describe our relationships in excruciating and unromanticized detail...

jokerine has left a new comment on your post "Flipped scripts aplenty...":

I think that sounds like a good weekend exercise: "Describe your partner and the relationship with him, as if you were to tell a new (intimate) friend about it. Be honest."

Already thoughts are flying through my head. will log off to capture them and then write them down.
I remember writing that post with Papsi sitting just a few computers down from me and calling him over once I thought I was done to show him what I'd written. No surprise to him as we have conversations all the time about the state of our relationship and what he/I/we'd like to do about the parts that just don't seem to be flying right. (shrug) I like to talk about things, strategize about what can be done and fix or recreate them. Why just sort of sit in shite and pretend it's alright? There's always the possibility of making change that better meets the needs of all parties involved, no?

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Monday, August 18, 2008

As deet is for mosquitoes...

My new and improved profile description will no doubt be for any potential suitors. :)

"i am a 40 year old, fiery WYSIWYG, Black conscious, barbadian-born, north amerikkkan raised, capricornian, dark skinned, matriarchal, polyamorous, class conscious, fat, tall, rogue scholar happily living in exile, ancestor/universe/ goddess worshiping, deviant, queer femme, bottom who can but doesn't really prefer to switch, far-seer, former poet based in toronto. i'm mama to one six year old girl child and a fatty boi who is about two years old.

i'm a passionate, insightful, verbal, irreverent, truthful, open, intuitive, willing, sexually deviant, seeker. i am re-learning who i am as a queerly perverse sexual being. i am a writer, poet, visual artist, blogger.

i like people who like words and who use them with passion, irreverence, insight and courage. there isn't a particular physical type, race, gender i'm specifically seeking. right now i'm really attracted to difference and contrast. i'm tasting and testing and feeling my way.

in any case, attraction for me is more about curiosity, the new, the interesting...the odd. i really like people who reflect deeply and ask themselves tough questions.

oh, and i am married to seminalson who on his own sexual, emotional, individual path. he's my best friend. we co-parent together and squabble like siblings. we spend lots of time togethe but our relationship is not what you'd expect of a married, cross gendered coupling. don't allow your values, assumptions or values to box me/him or us in. you do neither of us any favours when you see me as attached to him or him to me. engage with me as an individual. that's who i've chosen to be. that's who i strive to be. that's part of why i'm here on okcupid.

i am HIV negative and don't have any sexually transmitted viruses and am in good health.

oh, and also, if you put a lot of stock in the questions as an indicator of compatibility, please realize i answered them without realizing i could put multiple answers. also, sometimes i answered theoretically, meaning that any given issue might be something i hadn't thought about that didn't apply directly to me (consumption of human meat...herpes and dating...), but if i had to think about it or deal with it in my own life...this is how i would answer...but also, i tend to play devil's advocate and get some of my answers formerly reflected this fact. in any case i went back and fixed some of my answers...

also, after a few different, difficult and ultimately clarifying exchanges with some other denizens of this place, i just plain old rethought some of what i thought i'd been seeking and in so doing allowed my self understanding to deepen in ways that let me take in new information, meet different people and grow into a realization of who it is i actually want to meet...
all this to say...this profile is being overhauled as you read in order to more aptly reflect my own contrary contradictory...multifacedted...ness. :)"

then there's stuff in between and i finish off with...

please save yourself and me some very valuable time and don't message me. i'm not interested in my dating experiences being defined by how well i can explain to you who i am, the choices i've made or the kind of relationship model i've chosen.

also, if you have had a fairly conservative upbringing which has translated into you not really venturing out of your comfort place and meeting people whose values, ideas and families were radically different than anything you've encountered which perhaps makes you sort of skittish when thrust into radically different situations for which you have not received any prior training, programming or might want to steer clear of me, too.

and...this is difficult but i do need to articulate it as clearly as i can...
if you live some version of an alternative lifestyle and are of european descent...
Maybe you've only met a handful of black people who are making radically different choices...
or perhaps you've only met really conservative black folks struggling with developing an understanding of the world beyond what their families and communities have taught them which leaves them looking to others not from their communities in order to learn and grow...
which means that you may have developed an understanding of yourself as being more "in the know" about things related to alternative lifestyles or choices than the vast majority of black folk you've encountered which means you're mostly accustomed to having to explain to them about poly, queerness, sex radicality as if they're children who need schooling :)...
please don't bother messaging me. i can't stand condescending types who believe that they and their friends, family and community members and the values, religions and belief systems are the center of the universe where alternative lifestyle choices are concerned. there are other aware beings out there who might just not look a whole lot like anyone you may have ever encountered in "the life". deal with it. :)

oh, fuck...i know this last bit is going to seriously reduce my chances of meeting some aware, emotionally intelligent, friendly and adventurous poly man...but really, just by drawing breath my chances were already fairly miniscule. :)

i am not interested in virtual relationships that stay virtual. so if you are seeking an e-lover/girlfriend you can message during the day while you're at work which allows you to disappear on week nights and weekends, please do both of us a favour and don't contact me.

if the thought of being in a relationship with a diehard blogger who tells it like it is about all aspects of her existence gives you's okay to just say "no".

if your schedule makes it seem as if you're horribly busy and allows no space for spontaneous coming together we won't be a good match.

if you utilize your busy scheduling as a way to create fear-based emotional distance and think that meeting someone who is married will mean you don't have to deeply connect, wholeheartedly love or even show consideration for their feelings...don't message me. :)

for those of you who were raised to understand married life as something right out of the pages of a harlequin or something that could be televised on an episode of "leave it to beaver"...
which is to say that your understanding of coupledom is completely predicated on spouses being the sun and the moon and the stars to each other...
you should realize that i move about okcupid as an *individual* who seeks to transgress the bounds placed on them by an overly couple/heterosexual/marriage based culture where wimmin are mostly understood as defined by their relationships to the men in their lives, where the genitals, time and energy of wimmin married to men are considered sacrosanct and off limits. i am my own person. this i choose to powerfully and clearly and honestly articulate with an open heart and a truly open mind.

i've realized that i'm not looking to date another couple. differences of personality, desire, and ways of being in the world even between long term couples can be such a mindfield of contradiction. even my primary partner's tastes are very different than mine and we prefer to date separately. so if you're more interested in finding someone you can share with your female lover/wife/long term partner, i can't be that person.

(this section was completely inspired by another woman's forthright profile)...
if you are male and purely interested in a sexual encounter there are a few things you should consider. you should be well skilled with your fingers, hand, tongue and mind. you should have lube and toys we can share. also, you should be open to having your body explored, penetrated and manipulated as i see fit.

if you are completely penetration focussed when it comes to sex chances are we won't be meeting because my interests travel beyond the flesh. but if for some reason you should be able to persuade me...realize that i expect that your member should be of more than average length and fairly thick in terms of girth. you should be able to use it with skill and know how to hold off ejaculation so that i can get to where i need to be either with you or before you.

definitely don't contact me if:

-you have difficulties thinking and putting words to your thoughts;

-you have difficulty being straight up, being accountable or taking responsibility for your own actions. i can't deal with that and don't think I should have to;

-you're looking for a perfectly nipped, tucked, shaved, waxed, perfumed, frozen fake smiling and "well-behaved" trophy girlfriend you chose because her presence on your arm adds to your status;

-you are in a monogamous relationship with a partner who isn't compatible with you sexually which has left you secretly trolling the net in search of wimmin you wouldn't normally go out with who are more free with their bodies;

-you've only got really crass things to say that make me think you're a stalker or a rapist. that's just plain creepy;

-you're married, ashamed, radiating guilt and you're seeking someone who is good at skulking, ducking, hiding and lying who can also be *discreet*;

-you're looking for your monogamous soul mate or "one and only" girlfriend.

-if you're a woman seeking a woman. i'm not actually dating wimmin right now and may never do so again...only time will tell.

other than that...
for whoever's left...
definitely message me if you are an inquisitive, articulate, intelligent sharer, feeler...deviantly sexual and passionate...
you are exceedingly comfortable with your own body regardless of size, dimension, weight, height or you're actively working on it so that i don't have to pretend that you're less than or different so as to not upset or disturb any deep seated denial. :)

i'd love to hear from you if you are also an ethical and brave person who understands your own thought process and feelings and uses this understanding to make decisions that affects their relationships and loverships in positive ways.

also, email me if you find wimmin's full, real, natural bodies attractive.

And the trump card?
If you visit my blog (I linked to it in the how personal am I willing to be here section) and read and don't immediately have a stroke, cardiac arrest, an ever increasing nosebleed accompanied by intense migraine and you can actively and willingly have conversation about what you read there with me, that will be the biggest aphrodesiac you could ever hope to offer. :)"

I really couldn't find a way around any of this given the kinds of responses I've been getting which have really caused me to think more about how I present myself, my values and my needs. I'm not sure who's gonna understand what I've written as an elaborate, extremely specific come hither note...but that's the person I'm looking for. :)

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Tired of spending way too many Friday nights in my neighbourhood...

...I sought external advice.

I took the brutally honest personality test. :)

It turns out that I'm a fucking freak or what the test refers to as a
Crackpot - INTJ

27% Extraversion, 73% Intuition, 60% Thinking, 60% Judging

People hate you.

Paris Hilton hates Nicole Richie. Lex Luther hates Superman. Garfield hates Mondays.

But none these even rates against the insurmountable hate, people have for you.

I mean, you're pretty damn clever and you know it. You love to flaunt your potential. Heard the word "arrogant" lately? How about "jerk?" Or perhaps they only say that behind your back.

That's right. I know I can say this cause you're not going to cry. You're not exactly the most emotional person. You'd rather spend time with your theoretical questions and abstract theories than with other people.

Ever been kissed? Ever even been on a date? Trust me, your inflated ego is a complete turnoff with the opposite sex and I am telling you, you're not that great with relationships as it is. You're never going to be a dude or chick magnet, purely because you're more concerned with yourself than others. Meh. They all hate you already anyway.

How about this- "stubborn?" Hrm? Heard that lately? All those facts which don't fit your theories must just be wrong, right? I mean, really, the vast amounts of time you spend with your head in the're just plain strange.


If you want to learn more about your personality type in a slightly less negative way, check out this.


The other personality types are as follows...

Loner - Introverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Pushover - Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Criminal - Introverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Borefest - Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Almost Perfect - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Freak - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Loser - Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

Clown - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Perceiving

Sap - Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging

Commander - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Perceiving

Do Gooder - Extraverted Sensing Thinking Judging

Scumbag - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

Busybody - Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

Prick - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

Dictator - Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging

Take The Brutally Honest Personality Test at HelloQuizzy

It sent me to another link where I found a less sarcastic description of my personality written by Marina Margaret Heiss...strike a few different people. I've linked to the page with the full text at the bottom of this post.

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

INTJs are perfectionists, with a seemingly endless capacity for improving upon anything that takes their interest. What prevents them from becoming chronically bogged down in this pursuit of perfection is the pragmatism so characteristic of the type: INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sake.

INTJs are known as the "Systems Builders" of the types, perhaps in part because they possess the unusual trait combination of imagination and reliability. Whatever system an INTJ happens to be working on is for them the equivalent of a moral cause to an INFJ; both perfectionism and disregard for authority may come into play, as INTJs can be unsparing of both themselves and the others on the project. Anyone considered to be "slacking," including superiors, will lose their respect -- and will generally be made aware of this; INTJs have also been known to take it upon themselves to implement critical decisions without consulting their supervisors or co-workers. On the other hand, they do tend to be scrupulous and even-handed about recognizing the individual contributions that have gone into a project, and have a gift for seizing opportunities which others might not even notice.

In the broadest terms, what INTJs "do" tends to be what they "know". Typical INTJ career choices are in the sciences and engineering, but they can be found wherever a combination of intellect and incisiveness are required (e.g., law, some areas of academia). INTJs can rise to management positions when they are willing to invest time in marketing their abilities as well as enhancing them, and (whether for the sake of ambition or the desire for privacy) many also find it useful to learn to simulate some degree of surface conformism in order to mask their inherent unconventionality.

Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-) This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete', paralleling that of many Fs -- only instead of expecting inexhaustible affection and empathy from a romantic relationship, the INTJ will expect inexhaustible reasonability and directness.

Probably the strongest INTJ assets in the interpersonal area are their intuitive abilities and their willingness to "work at" a relationship. Although as Ts they do not always have the kind of natural empathy that many Fs do, the Intuitive function can often act as a good substitute by synthesizing the probable meanings behind such things as tone of voice, turn of phrase, and facial expression. This ability can then be honed and directed by consistent, repeated efforts to understand and support those they care about, and those relationships which ultimately do become established with an INTJ tend to be characterized by their robustness, stability, and good communications.

Functional Analysis
by Joe Butt
Introverted iNtuition

INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express these intuitors' amusement at those whom they feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. INTJs enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems.
Extraverted Thinking

Thinking in this auxiliary role is a workhorse. Closure is the payoff for efforts expended. Evaluation begs diagnosis; product drives process. As they come to light, Thinking tends, protects, affirms and directs iNtuition's offspring, fully equipping them for fulfilling and useful lives. A faithful pedagogue, Thinking argues not so much on its own behalf, but in defense of its charges. And through this process these impressionable ideas take on the likeness of their master.
Introverted Feeling

Feeling has a modest inner room, two doors down from the Most Imminent iNtuition. It doesn't get out much, but lends its influence on behalf of causes which are Good and Worthy and Humane. We may catch a glimpse of it in the unspoken attitude of good will, or the gracious smile or nod. Some question the existence of Feeling in this type, yet its unseen balance to Thinking is a cardinal dimension in the full measure of the INTJ's soul.
Extraverted Sensing

Sensing serves with a good will, or not at all. As other inferior functions, it has only a rudimentary awareness of context, amount or degree. Thus INTJs sweat the details or, at times, omit them. "I've made up my mind, don't confuse me with the facts" could well have been said by an INTJ on a mission. Sensing's extraverted attitude is evident in this type's bent to savor sensations rather than to merely categorize them. Indiscretions of indulgence are likely an expression of the unconscious vengeance of the inferior.

The rest is here...

if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.