Friday, October 31, 2008

Gayte-keeper, I don't vote...

thegayte-keeper has left a new comment on your post "I know the election is all but...":
hmmm...good point...are you gonna vote?
I don't live in the states. I'm just really enjoying disturbing the false consciousness of its earnest voting citizens.

I'm a stay at home mother. Gotta do sumthin' to break the monotony. :)

Here I don't vote. But this last election I did put up signs for the two mainstream kkkanadian lefty parties as a way to try and keep on letting them know who's living next to them...should have put up a sign for the communist party...next time.

The past few days have left me clear for the time being enough that I can delve into my blogland writings and offer something...appropriate...

reLOADing...

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I know nothing...very little...pathetically little...an opportunity to get layered and wise...

I went surfing today, seeking other conglomerations of bloggers I could join...I'd like to be a higher being...if not in real time (for those with little sense of humour and even less analysis, I figure I should insert: given the fact that I am known in communities of resistance where I am understood to have a certain...comment dit-on?...lack of interest in "playing the game", I will not be accumulating a high density of "carrots" or perks associated however wrongly with higher being unearned status and privilege...) ...then, existing virtually in blogland in an altered state would do me just fine. :)

So, I'm googling away and come across this wiki. I "enter" but really cannot enter into the experience not even slightly. I am stopped cold by a list of names representing peoplings I know absolutely nothing about. Massively important, I understand to my true comprehension of the when/where/how/why I occupy this settled land, but completely voided from my consciousness through the efforts of those who prefer these things to remain unspoken.

I've lived in Toronto, memorized european names for older places as I was miseducated on the land labeled Ontario inside the stolen territory known internationally by those who are fine forgetting the horrific genocidal teefing lying diseased settler morphed in/to benign, hard working immigrant story.

For almost 31 years I scratched the surface, just barely able to sniff out the fact that all was not well with o kkkanada. I remember in grade nine sniffing out the political dance meant to keep the population believing that they had/have a say in the movements of the affluent, high level clerks dressed in suitable business attire raking in many figured salaries aka the government. When the social studies teacher explained the ritual dance called voting and explained without realizing it that voting doesn't give "citizens" the power to influence, even one iota, the actions of elected officials...beyond being able to fire them the next time the ritual dance called voting begins...I was disgusted, but conscientized enough to realize something was just not "right"....

I just didn't realize that "citizens" and "say" were themselves lies that formed only part of the first layer of a series of lies utilized as vehicles to infect subsequent settler populations with a vested interest in the ongoing theft of the land allowing for the concept of democratic voting to serve as a renewable tool wielded to create a media frenzied, soap opera like fascination with the workings of the imperialist power that have jealously guarded stolen land redefined as the property of others for hundreds of years as they/we cover over exactly how kkkanada was "born" in the process moving from violently settled land to peaceful internationally reputed democratic land where every human being born "here" has the "right" to vote.

Almost 31 years after being brought from one settled land, the descendants of captured, sold and forced labourers to yet another settled land, I acknowledge and balk simultaneously at developing consciousness that pulls back the blinders allowing me to see how precious little I know about the Native land labelled Ontario...

Ontario Aboriginal Communities

* ABITIBI NO. 70 - Wahgoshig
* AKWESASNE NO. 59 - Mohawks of Akwesasne
* ALDERVILLE FIRST NATION - Alderville First Nation
* AROLAND INDIAN SETTLEMENT - Aroland
* ATTAWAPISKAT NO. 91A - Attawapiskat
* BEAR ISLAND NO. 1 - Temagami First Nation
* BEARSKIN LAKE - Bearskin Lake
* BIG GRASSY RIVER NO. 35G - Big Grassy
* CALDWELL - Caldwell
* CAT LAKE NO. 63C - Cat Lake
* CHAPLEAU NO. 74A - Chapleau Ojibway
* CHAPLEAU NO. 75 - Chapleau Cree First Nation
* CHIPPEWA OF THE THAMES FIRST NATION NO. 42 - Chippewas of the Thames First Nation
* CHIPPEWAS OF GEORGINA ISLAND FIRST NATION - Chippewas of Georgina Island
* CHRISTIAN ISLAND NO. 30 - Beausoleil
* CONSTANCE LAKE NO. 92 - Constance Lake
* COUCHICHING NO. 16A - Couchiching First Nation
* CURVE LAKE FIRST NATION NO. 35 - Curve Lake
* DEER LAKE - Deer Lake
* DOKIS NO. 9 - Dokis
* DUCK LAKE NO. 76B - Brunswick House
* EAGLE LAKE NO. 27 - Eagle Lake
* ENGLISH RIVER NO. 21 - Grassy Narrows First Nation
* FACTORY ISLAND NO. 1 - Moose Cree First Nation
* FLYING POST NO. 73 - Flying Post
* FORT ALBANY NO. 67 - Albany
* FORT HOPE NO. 64 - Eabametoong First Nation
* FORT SEVERN NO. 89 - Fort Severn
* FORT WILLIAM NO. 52 - Fort William
* GARDEN RIVER NO. 14 - Garden River First Nation
* GINOOGAMING FIRST NATION - Ginoogaming First Nation
* GROS CAP NO. 49 - Michipicoten
* GULL RIVER NO. 55 - Gull Bay
* HENVEY INLET NO. 2 - Henvey Inlet First Nation
* HIAWATHA FIRST NATION NO. 36 - Hiawatha First Nation
* ISLINGTON NO. 29 - Wabaseemoong Independent Nations
* KASABONIKA LAKE - Kasabonika Lake
* KASHECHEWAN - Kashechewan
* KEEWAYWIN - Kee-Way-Win
* KENORA NO. 38B - Anishinabe of Wauzhushk Onigum
* KETTLE POINT NO. 44 - Chippewas of Kettle and Stony Point
* KINGFISHER LAKE NO. 1 - Kingfisher
* KITCHENUHMAYKOOSIB AAKI NO. 84 - Kitchenuhmaykoosib Inninuwug
* LAC SEUL NO. 28 - Lac Seul
* LAKE HELEN NO. 53A - Red Rock
* LANSDOWNE HOUSE INDIAN SETTLEMENT - Neskantaga First Nation
* LONG LAKE NO. 58 - Long Lake No.58 First Nation
* M'CHIGEENG NO. 22 - M'Chigeeng First Nation
* MACDOWELL LAKE - McDowell Lake
* MAGNETEWAN NO. 1 - Magnetawan
* MANITOU RAPIDS NO. 11 - Rainy River
* MARTEN FALLS NO. 65 - Martin Falls
* MATACHEWAN NO. 72 - Matachewan
* MATTAGAMI NO. 71 - Mattagami
* MCDIARMID INDIAN SETTLEMENT - Animbiigoo Zaagi'igan Anishinaabek
* MISSANABIE NO. 62 - Missanabie Cree
* MISSISSAGI RIVER NO. 8 - Mississauga
* MISSISSAUGAS OF SCUGOG ISLAND - Mississauga's of Scugog Island First Nation
* MNJIKANING FIRST NATION NO. 32 - Chippewas of Mnjikaning First Nation
* MOOSE POINT NO. 79 - Moose Deer Point
* MORAVIAN NO. 47 - Moravian of the Thames
* MORSON -
* MUNSEE-DELAWARE NATION NO. 1 - Munsee-Delaware Nation
* MUSKRAT DAM LAKE - Muskrat Dam Lake
* NEGUAGUON LAKE NO. 25D - Lac La Croix
* NEW CREDIT NO. 40A - Mississaugas of the Credit
* NEW POST NO. 69A - Taykwa Tagamou Nation
* NEYAASHIINIGMIING - Chippewas of Nawash First Nation
* NIPISSING NO. 10 - Nipissing First Nation
* NORTH SPIRIT LAKE - North Spirit Lake
* NORTHWEST ANGLE NO. 33B - Northwest Angle No.33
* OJIBWAY NATION OF SAUGEEN - Ojibway Nation of Saugeen
* ONEIDA NO. 41 - Oneida Nation of the Thames
* OSNABURGH NO. 63A - Mishkeegogamang
* PARRY ISLAND FIRST NATION - Wasauksing First Nation
* PAYS PLAT NO. 51 - Pays Plat
* PEAWANUCK INDIAN SETTLEMENT - Weenusk
* PIC MOBERT RESERVE NORTH - Pic Mobert
* PIC RIVER NO. 50 - Ojibways of the Pic River First Nation
* PIKANGIKUM NO. 14 - Pikangikum
* PIKWAKANAGAN - Algonquins of Pikwakanagan
* POPLAR HILL - Poplar Hill
* RAINY LAKE NO. 17A - Naicatchewenin
* RAINY LAKE NO. 18C - Stanjikoming First Nation
* RAINY LAKE NO. 26A - Nicickousemenecaning
* RANKIN LOCATION NO. 15D - Batchewana First Nation
* RAT PORTAGE NO. 38A - Washagamis Bay
* ROCKY BAY INDIAN RESERVE NO. 1 - Biinjitiwaabik Zaaging Anishinaabek
* SABASKONG BAY NO. 35D - Ojibways of Onigaming First Nation
* SACHIGO LAKE NO. 1 - Sachigo Lake
* SAGAMOK INDIAN RESERVE - Sagamok Anishnawbek
* SANDPOINT - Sandpoint
* SANDY LAKE NO. 88 - Sandy Lake
* SARNIA NO. 45 - Aamjiwnaang
* SAUG-A-GAW-SING NO. 1 - Anishnaabeg of Naongashiing
* SAUGEEN NO. 29 - Saugeen
* SEINE RIVER NO. 22A2 - Lac Des Mille Lacs
* SEINE RIVER NO. 23A - Seine River First Nation
* SERPENT RIVER NO. 7 - Serpent River
* SHAWANAGA NO. 17 - Shawanaga First Nation
* SHEGUIANDAH NO. 24 - Sheguiandah
* SHESHEGWANING NO. 20 - Sheshegwaning
* SHOAL LAKE NO. 39A - Iskatewizaagegan #39 Independent First Nation
* SHOAL LAKE NO. 40 - Shoal Lake No.40
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40 - Six Nations of the Grand River
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, BAY OF QUINTE MOHAWK - Bay of Quinte Mohawk
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, BEARFOOT ONONDAGA - Bearfoot Onondaga
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, DELAWARE - Delaware
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, KONADAHA SENECA - Konadaha Seneca
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, LOWER CAYUGA - Lower Cayuga
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, LOWER MOHAWK - Lower Mohawk
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, NIHARONDASA SENECA - Niharondasa Seneca
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, ONEIDA - Oneida
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, ONONDAGA CLEAR SKY - Onondaga Clear Sky
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, TUSCARORA - Tuscarora
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, UPPER CAYUGA - Upper Cayuga
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, UPPER MOHAWK - Upper Mohawk
* SIX NATIONS NO. 40, WALKER MOHAWK - Walker Mohawk
* SLATE FALLS INDIAN SETTLEMENT - Slate Falls Nation
* SUCKER CREEK NO. 23 - Aundeck-Omni-Kaning
* SUMMER BEAVER SETTLEMENT - Nibinamik First Nation
* THE DALLES NO. 38C - Ochiichagwe'babigo'ining First Nation
* THESSALON NO. 12 - Thessalon
* TYENDINAGA MOHAWK TERRITORY - Mohawks of the Bay of Quinte
* WABAUSKANG NO. 21 - Wabauskang First Nation
* WABIGOON LAKE NO. 27 - Wabigoon Lake Ojibway Nation
* WAHNAPITAE NO. 11 - Wahnapitae
* WAHTA MOHAWK TERRITORY - Wahta Mohawk
* WALPOLE ISLAND NO. 46 - Walpole Island
* WAPEKEKA RESERVE NO. 1 - Wapekeka
* WAWAKAPEWIN - Wawakapewin
* WEAGAMOW LAKE INDIAN RESERVE NO. 87 - North Caribou Lake
* WEBEQUIE INDIAN RESERVE - Webequie
* WHITEFISH BAY NO. 32A - Naotkamegwanning
* WHITEFISH BAY NO. 34A - Northwest Angle No.37
* WHITEFISH LAKE NO. 6 - Whitefish Lake
* WHITEFISH RIVER NO. 4 - Whitefish River
* WHITESAND INDIAN RESERVE - Whitesand
* WIKWEMIKONG UNCEDED NO. 26 - Wikwemikong
* WUNNUMIN NO. 1 - Wunnumin
* ZHIIBAAHAASING NO 19A - Zhiibaahaasing First Nation

Clueless in kkkanada...how fuk'd is that?

I'm thinking about colonizers teefing land, setting themselves up as the law of the land, drawing boundaries on the surface of the land and then getting to decide where the original denizens of the land can or can't travel and also getting to decide what new settlers, suitably positioned so as to occupy roles of lesser privilege, will be allowed to cross the lines drawn on the surface of the land....

So, refugees from Darfur are supposedly "pouring" into Israel. The Israeli government is imprisoning the men as war criminals, I think, and waffling as to whether they will let their families stay or make them go back to Darfur where they are being slaughtered by groups funded by the Chinese government (how sweet, any of the Asian poc want to take this on and infuse their rad politics with why an Asian government might think it would be okay to colonize African peoples, teef their resources and contribute to anothah African genocide?...gee... I don't mind who does it...you could be East Asian, South East Asian, Pacific Islander looking mostly Asian, South Asian...whoever wants to touch icky Black people less than shadeism racialism stuff...please, be my guest...laugher of the damned in full effect...).

When I saw the story on The National last night (...Papi grew up watching the news and understanding it as suitable fodder for intelligent conversation "as is") I thought about Israelis occupying Palestinian land, dominating the Palestinians, creating "justifiable" grounds for the wiping out of a whole people (how odd, now where'd they get that idea from?).

Now the waters are muddying and I'm triggered....

Settlers potentially setting up a buffer zone of darkies (hee, hee, hee) who are so bent on simply surviving attempted mass murder, that they're willing to respect the authority of power hungry usurpers rather than the ancient land tie of the original denizens. Imperialist, colonizing power relations undermine the the logical alliance between two oppressed people, position a colonizer as hinge connecting yet also functioning as separating, dominating force.

I guess I keep thinking about what would have happened if ties between oppressed people uninterested in perpetuating domination, more interested in resisting those who come to murder/death/kill actually moved from lefty, feminist, anarchist, progressive theory into global practice at any point in the history of the world. Maybe international ... social ... community ... activist... professional ... familial... interpersonal relationships would look really different today ... we might have really different templates for all just getting along.






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

D'you understand what I mean when I talk about the populace being pawns of people who prey on us and laugh at us?...

I was thinking about people feeling compelled to do as they are told, compelled to perform in particular ways...even when they actually understand what's being done to them, they believe that they have little choice. I remembered this gem from my childhood...



I know many of you will want to make this about that whole first onscreen interracial kiss thang. whatEVER.

There is that aspect here, but there are so many power relations happening in this clip, all of them bowed to class, power and hierarchy as embodied by the white gawdd creatures who control the movements of the crew.

Race is one level. But focusing on race as the absolute has effectively blinded millions of people from the machinations of people whose race and patriarchal power and class privilege and economic wealth allows them to control us all.

So please don't write me to comment about any interracial kissing. That angle is so dry...and I've actually been doing it...interracial kissing, that is. :)





if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Rehab is always useful, sarah...

sarah has left a new comment on your post "Just when I thought the enigmatic and sometimes sh...":
hi! i scrolled this headline into view and figured it would probably be my comment. enigmatic and sometimes short-- that is indeed where i've been at for the last couple of years, online.

where i've been just lately is trying to create a rehab program for myself, about procrastination and stuckness. it has involved doing no blog-reading for quite awhile, and a lot of household-reorganization things and some solo projects. not very much being out in the world or out on the internet.

but i do check back when i'm out and about! i think you're stuck with me, intermittent and enigmatic though i am.
giggles...




if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Just when I thought the enigmatic and sometimes short comments would come no more...

sarah has left a new comment on your post "Whatever the cost I've paid in full...":
And now you have a post she can direct her credit link to. A custom landing page, very web 2.0 ;)

I'm thinking that you might have fun with redirects based on referrers, for certain occasions.

I like the photo with the train, too.
giggles...
Thanks. Where've you been? I wasn't expecting to hear from you after such a long absence. Hi!






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

L.P. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner...

Loving Pecola has left a new comment on your post "I think I've lost one blogger friend who was impor...":
((hugs)) Reading you has changed my life.

I had a woman come in last week who was with her woman partner and was asking me about the visitor policy for the labor floor. We have a strict two-person maximum, and she needed to have three people, and was not willing to budge on that. At first I thought, as long as your partner is there, it will be ok, right? But thank god I didn't say that. I thought about you and poly and about how hard/impossible it would be to pick one partner who wasn't going to be able to support her in the labor and birth. I didn't have the answers for what we were going to do, but at least I had a frame of reference for what I thought she was (avoiding) talking about. She never said that this was the situation, but that's neither here nor there.

I am always, ALWAYS hoping that people come along who can offer you some of what you need or want. And, honestly, I feel it deep in my bones that you will find some more people build with in a more intimate way. I hope your friend, if they're really good for you, comes back .

((hugs))
L.P. You know...
I think we're cosmically connected. Literally the day before I received your comment I was thinking about you. You just popped into my head.
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I've been incorporating a helluva lot of activity on the dating site, lots of emails, chattings, woo'ings, telephone callings into my day to day. I'm making friends...
For someone like me who doesn't talk on the phone socially, who isn't accustomed to receiving personal emails anymore...by choice, who doesn't hang out with people or any of the stuff many associate with living a "normal" life, making friends and maintaining connection with the men I'm meeting many of whom are really fascinating and intelligent, is taking a lot of work and conscious thought.
For a while there, I was living with family real time and fielding a lot of inquiries from a lot of different places. Then I decided I was going to socialize real time...that party I went to last week. It's taken a lot of coordination and communication with Papi to make this new leap. I'm enjoying it. Now I have family real time, a blog and some new friends who I'm growing accustomed to engaging with past the place many of the bloggers I've encountered have been willing to travel with me.
But in truth, this is changing, too. I've realized that it's okay to push boundaries of social interaction with the bloggers I know and love. Sometimes this is exciting. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's disappointing. Sometimes it turns out to be boring. :)
Thank you so much for coming by. I know that school work is probably kicking your ass as usual...giggles...I was thinking about our japanese woman friend who used to be a visiting student...she stayed with us for about six weeks and we all made friends with her.
We taught her what school couldn't - cuss words and out of order sayings. A few weekends ago we all went to Ophelia's for dinner. On the way there she asked us about "kicking ass" and I tried to explain all the different ways versions of "kicking ass" could be used. It was a hilarious conversation. Talking to her about english is always fun.

I feel that I'm going to meet some really interesting people who will end up being friends and or family and or lovers and or partners. I'm really pumped about that.

This morning I wrote a man who doesn't wear deodorant about my being forced to wear the substance that is giving so many wimmin breast cancer...clog the pores...stop the sweat...back up fluid in the glands...damage the glands...rot the glands...cause cancer in the glands...
He said that he gets over colds much faster than the people he knows who wear deodorant. I know that's true because I was much healthier when I didn't wear deodorant. I told him that I really enjoyed my body's various smells and that I loved being able to read my own sweat smelling signals.
I said that when he talked about actually having a scent because he doesn't wear deodorant, I was instantly engaged, interest piqued. I immediately wanted to put my nose in his armpits and smell him deeply.
He wrote back saying that he liked the fact that I'm an animal. I like the fact that he's one, too. :) (my doula has a smell, too...she's now a friend...I really should sniff her, too...)

All this to say, I am finding people in the oddest places. Having a complicated, contrary, disturbing blast as per usual, L.P.

I'm glad that our conversations have caused you to look at your patients differently and to make more space for who they are during their birthing times. This makes me happy. Gives me tingles. Mission accomplished.

Love,
darkdaughta






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

L.P. I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner...

Loving Pecola has left a new comment on your post "I think I've lost one blogger friend who was impor...":
((hugs)) Reading you has changed my life.

I had a woman come in last week who was with her woman partner and was asking me about the visitor policy for the labor floor. We have a strict two-person maximum, and she needed to have three people, and was not willing to budge on that. At first I thought, as long as your partner is there, it will be ok, right? But thank god I didn't say that. I thought about you and poly and about how hard/impossible it would be to pick one partner who wasn't going to be able to support her in the labor and birth. I didn't have the answers for what we were going to do, but at least I had a frame of reference for what I thought she was (avoiding) talking about. She never said that this was the situation, but that's neither here nor there.

I am always, ALWAYS hoping that people come along who can offer you some of what you need or want. And, honestly, I feel it deep in my bones that you will find some more people build with in a more intimate way. I hope your friend, if they're really good for you, comes back .

((hugs))
L.P. You know...
I think we're cosmically connected. Literally the day before I received your comment I was thinking about you. You just popped into my head.
Sorry I didn't respond sooner. I've been incorporating a helluva lot of activity on the dating site, lots of emails, chattings, woo'ings, telephone callings into my day to day. I'm making friends...
For someone like me who doesn't talk on the phone socially, who isn't accustomed to receiving personal emails anymore...by choice, who doesn't hang out with people or any of the stuff many associate with living a "normal" life, making friends and maintaining connection with the men I'm meeting many of whom are really fascinating and intelligent, is taking a lot of work and conscious thought.
For a while there, I was living with family real time and fielding a lot of inquiries from a lot of different places. Then I decided I was going to socialize real time...that party I went to last week. It's taken a lot of coordination and communication with Papi to make this new leap. I'm enjoying it. Now I have family real time, a blog and some new friends who I'm growing accustomed to engaging with past the place many of the bloggers I've encountered have been willing to travel with me.
But in truth, this is changing, too. I've realized that it's okay to push boundaries of social interaction with the bloggers I know and love. Sometimes this is exciting. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's disappointing. Sometimes it turns out to be boring. :)
Thank you so much for coming by. I know that school work is probably kicking your ass as usual...giggles...I was thinking about our japanese woman friend who used to be a visiting student...she stayed with us for about six weeks and we all made friends with her.
We taught her what school couldn't - cuss words and out of order sayings. A few weekends ago we all went to Ophelia's for dinner. On the way there she asked us about "kicking ass" and I tried to explain all the different ways versions of "kicking ass" could be used. It was a hilarious conversation. Talking to her about english is always fun.

I feel that I'm going to meet some really interesting people who will end up being friends and or family and or lovers and or partners. I'm really pumped about that.

This morning I wrote a man who doesn't wear deodorant about my being forced to wear the substance that is giving so many wimmin breast cancer...clog the pores...stop the sweat...back up fluid in the glands...damage the glands...rot the glands...cause cancer in the glands...
He said that he gets over colds much faster than the people he knows who wear deodorant. I know that's true because I was much healthier when I didn't wear deodorant. I told him that I really enjoyed my body's various smells and that I loved being able to read my own sweat smelling signals.
I said that when he talked about actually having a scent because he doesn't wear deodorant, I was instantly engaged, interest piqued. I immediately wanted to put my nose in his armpits and smell him deeply.
He wrote back saying that he liked the fact that I'm an animal. I like the fact that he's one, too. :) (my doula has a smell, too...she's now a friend...I really should sniff her, too...)

All this to say, I am finding people in the oddest places. Having a complicated, contrary, disturbing blast as per usual, L.P.

I'm glad that our conversations have caused you to look at your patients differently and to make more space for who they are during their birthing times. This makes me happy. Gives me tingles. Mission accomplished.

Love,
darkdaughta






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

I liked her fat, unmade up and butchly :) ...

betmo has left a new comment on your post "She may be trying to get rid of her body with Jenn...":
she's an actress now. actresses must be thin! it's like a hollywood law or something :) i love queen latifah.
It's a gentrification process in tha flesh. Instead of changing a neighbourhood and chasing the poor and dark and unpalatable out of their homes and into less desireable areas, they're chasing the under-class, the dark and the unpalatable out of her. unh...as she's gone through hers, I have obviously gone through my own...crucible.




if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's been a fairly good month, and now...I bleed...















Today I'm prone to tears, melancholy, bouncing around inside my own head revisiting upsetting moments in my life and allowing myself to finally cry over them. I spent the morning singing. It was good to stretch out the diaphragm, lungs and mouth. When I make more noise than normal, allow my voice to roam and play, feel my voice in my chest, in my belly and in my ears, the pent up stuff I carry just slides right out.

hmmm...I am lethargic and slow moving, too. I just want to sit still and bleed. So apologies to anyone who has written me on the dating site who is reading or who has commented here. I've been watching my mail and comments pile up but just haven't had the focus needed to write a whole lot. In a day or so I'll be lucid enough to respond in ways that are full and meaningful. Please hang on until then.

So what was I saying?
Yes.
Even in the midst of my tears I realize there's also contentment here.

The house is a little turned upside down but it's running much more efficiently since Papster and I decided to rename what we are to each other.

I still find him annoying and teenage brother like. :) He still finds me annoying and know-it-all bossy. hee, hee!

We still meet for coffee and pastries every morning and talk about what the day will be like. We still take turns dropping off Stinkapee and going for walks with Shmolee. Stinkapee still tries to get out of wearing her glasses and drags her feet on the way to school EVERY MORNING. We still eat family dinner with Stinkapee and Shmolee every evening. Shmolee still dashes his plastic bowl on the floor after every meal, splattering food remains all over the floor as if to say "it is FINISHED!"...he's flamboyant and expressive. :) Stinkapee still tries to stall every bedtime. Papi still falls asleep on the couch instead of in his bed. He still makes that funny noise in the bathroom first thing every morning.

What's different?

Well, we just aren't spending as much time, hours, days desperately trying to fix a relationship that really needed to change. We just allowed ourselves to see that it was already in the process of changing. What a fucking relief that was. :) As a result of us coming out of individual and coupled denial, there's a lot more space for things in the house and family that need to get done, to get done. whoo-HOO! We're functioning...well. :)

Yesterday on our way to Timmy Hos for my breakfast sandwich, Papi and I crossed at the lights and talked about me finding a new therapist. I told him that finding another person should be a piece of cake. Finding someone who can wrap their mind around what I'm carrying in terms of pain and trauma individual and collective, around how I've chosen to deal and defy, around what I understand, around all the different people I've been, around who I want to fearlessly become next...now that is a whole other matter. I told Papi I just want to find ways to have my feelings and realizations in peace without worry about whether I freaked out my therapist, made her think about things she hadn't wanted to examine or left her with the feeling that she can't "help" me.

No one can "help" me.

I'm helping myself on all possible levels, in every conceivable way.






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Joy and pain definitely in full effect...



Papi was majorly sick last night. seasonal allergy associated sinus headache plus he ate something that didn't agree with him that meant that on top of the headache he was also nauseous and cramping. Not fun for him.

Lots of fennel tea and wasa crackers later he fell asleep. This morning he was functional.

My father showed up with while I was taking care of Papi. He had bought us groceries. He stayed and helped take care of Shmolee and Papi.

After he left I told Papi that I had been thinking about Iron John while my father was there. Thinking about him as overt patriarch who, nonetheless, knows how to give care to sick people. He's really good at that. That's his soft man side, I guess.

This morning Ophelia called to check in. I told her Papi was feeling much better. She told me about an academic who has published a history, after emancipation, of Barbados society. She asked if I wanted a copy. I said yes. But I also said that until someone comes along and writes a true history of Barbados rather than an officially sanctioned, circumcised, tamed account, everything that is written will be predicated on rot. Sweet.

I told her my joke about Rhianna actually being from Disturbia...it's a hot tiny island just off the coast of south amerikkka. :)

I also talked to her about Iron John and about the conversations I'd been having with Papi. We talked about Black wimmin, Black men and collective, historical co-dependence.

I said that I understand Black men to be the descendants of a few million rape survivors who have a much easier time talking about Black wimmin's historical experience of rape during and immediately after slavery...rather than their own. I said that Iron John, linked to white privileged men's history, can't get into Black men's dance with masculinity in ways that includes their physical, emotional and spiritual colonization. Only they can do that.

Then I was surfing youtube looking for stuff to add to Shmolee's repertoire when I came across these videos. I remember dancing to these when they came out. The music is a physical joy and a release. Watching the video just makes me think about my relationships to Black men...

But then I look at the images and think about the Black men I encounter on the sidewalks who glance my way.

There's one middle class Black west indian man I see in our neighbourhood all the time. He wears a suit. He always looks at me with his mouth gathered and turned down in this way that seems to indicate that he's got poo in it. His energy is awful. I think the next time I see him, I'll invite him to not glance my way anymore. He's...icky...performing middle class, too good to smile with the likes of me, of better stock. Then he shouldn't look my way at all, I figure.

Yesterday while I watched the matrix swirl around me another brethren wearing red green and gold with locks walked by me and appraised me with his eyes. He said: "Yessss...." I think I met with his approval. I looked back at him and understood that he could not actually see what was here and that if he could, his "yesssss..." would soon turn to a "no..." I did not smile with him. But neither did I gather my mouth, downturn it and pretend that he had given me poo to eat.

This week I sat down on the subway in a two seater. I didn't pay much mind to the person sitting next to me. I sat sideways facing away so I wouldn't feel too cramped in my seat. I felt a hand tap me on the shoulder...the person next to me. I turned around. A man, whose voice sounded Black amerikkkan asked me for the time. Wondering about why he had chosen to touch me, a stranger, rather than just speak to me, I told him I didn't know and made to turn away. Before I did he asked "Are you married yet?" I thought about all the possible reasons he could be asking me that. I thought about the value system his "yet" came out of. I thought about the various assumptions he had made and about his comfort level with making them and communicating them across to me. I thought about addressing him...really addressing him...for a split sec. My mouth even opened but really? What could I have said? So, I smiled with him...sort of patronizingly, and said "Yes." He was silent. I was silent. Our ride continued. I eventually got off.

There is another man who goes to the library to use the computer. I saw him there all summer. One day one of the patrons exclaimed, eyes turned in his direction. On his screen was an image of two naked white people fucking, with an extreme close up on the penis entering and exiting the woman's vagina. I think he might be "challenged". Another day he tried to call to me on the street. I moved with purpose away from him, around him, glancing his way only for a moment. This time my mouth did do the poo mouth thing.

Oh, and Papsters brother showed up again this past weekend while Stinkapee was visiting with Ophelia. Again he spoke to Stinkapee briefly. I may actually have to harm him if this continues...or at least give him strict orders to cease and desist when next I encounter him...poo mouth, massive poo mouth in full effect...that's me saying his pathetic little boundary disrespecting, stalker, abusive self who counts on his mother and others to not challenge him out of fear of his displeasure and his rage has gotten on my last good nerve...trying to insinuate his self into the life of a six year old who doesn't understand how god awful he is...more poo mouth.

But I digress...
I don't think that any of these men is indicative of a collective Middle Passage Black male experience by any means. What I do think is that Black men who understand themselves as more evolved or in the know maybe could consider not ensconcing themselves in academia or the arts scene or hanging out with Black feminists and decide instead to walk among their brethren in ways that have the potential to challenge and transform.

And those Black wimmin who understand themselves as feminist might want to think about doing less hand holding, and condescending head patting. This is what I told Ophelia during our conversation. I said that we are bound to Black men in love and struggle but that they do need to feel the consequences of their own actions fully in order to start making better choices, both as individuals and as a patriarchal collective.

word, darkdaughta. you hit the nail right on the fuzzy fro'd head.

thanks.

you're welcome.

(I said to Papi that people are probably going to say I hate Black men. He said yes. He said that there really is no way to critique Black men's lack of patriarchal analysis, their collective lack of a critique of masculinity and gendered roles without being defined as a race traitor, self hating or as a (Black) man hater. My response? All together now...in a nasal high pitched fake british accent of the already colonized and therefore thoroughly damned...I DON'T CARE!...or rather...I care enough that I really can't deal with shite anymore than I already have...I choose to care...from a distance.)








if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

What makes this so horrifying is that humans, not machines, made it...to contain us all...



After I dropped off Stinkapee at school this morning I sat on a bench in front of a coffee shop and watched it flow around me, felt it move through me.

I was afraid...
I am afraid because it's so clear that there are so many, too many who need actually need dehumanizing, death bringing, pain inducing systems.

For those who were raised in ignorance, who were raised to follow, who were raised to keep up with the joneses, who were raised to have respect for their "betters", for those who literally don't know any better this soul sucking structure, this matrix of power and domination that surrounds us offers those who need it the illusion of feeling safe, protected and cared for.

All of it...
The fake elections, the big box stores, the worker hierarchies, the (un)real estate (stolen land) market, the social power plays are a life necessity for many.

And as for me?
Well, I am deeply afraid because I realize how much most people, even those who say they resist it, cannot do without it.








if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Iron John...

Papi started reading Robert Bly's Iron John - A Book About Men again recently.

I'm really, really glad. My joy is mediated by the fact that I realize this is a white male story. Papi and I have been working to understand the colonized low level Black settler male version of this tale which really needs to powerfully, move well beyond the co-dependent hand holding of bell hooks' nonetheless stellar contribution "We Real Cool - Black Men and Masculinity"...which we also have on our bookshelves.

I never fail to be struck by the horrific irony of African peoples having been stolen away by emotionally shut down, diseased, brutally violent, emotionally abusive, culturally destructive people who proceeded to attempt to strip us of everything that made us loving, human, sensitive, creative, spirited and spiritual peoples who were/are powerful in personal and transformative ways only to have the descendants of these same captors and abusers collectively mine our traditions, cultures and understandings in an attempt to resurrect their failing collectivities.

I never fail to be brought to hot bitter tears at the way Black peoples have lived alongside them as they attempted to process their shit, as they, nonetheless have managed to mire us in their shit and make us out to be their nightmarish dark sides, projecting their mess onto our skins, leaving themselves in the process clear, omniscient, the perfect "new" parenting coaches, the perfect "new" birthing natural mamas, the perfect yoga posture holders, the perfect conflict mediators, the iconic "new" men and wimmin, the peace makers, the soft ones, the quiet ones, the nice ones..

I never fail to be slightly disgusted with myself and simultaneously awed by my own boombasticalness for opting to not deal with anymore male middle passage sib oppression based internalized shite by dealing with men of other ethnicities rather than with those whose...stuff...has the greatest potential to do me harm in really up close and personal ways I'm just not willing to engage with. I was raised by a male middle passage denizen. I'm married to a male middle passage denizen. I birthed a male middle passage denizen. I've already got my work cut out for me in a variety of ways. This will have to be enough. :)

I never fail to be completely dumbstruck by the awful irony of turning to some of those whose monumental shortsightedness, selfishness and emotional blunting has brought humanity to the brink of absolute destruction time and time again, for information about anything under the sun.

Nonetheless...
I'm not one to cut my nose off to spite my socio/historical/political/collective face. So, sure I'll read their books. I just don't buy the hype about them being more evolved than those they have tormented down through time. (giggles of the damned)...okay, fine...I'm not really smiling...more grimacing and showing barred teeth.

sigh...
I think, that when confronted with the contradictions I've outlined above, many Black conscious people would decide to cling to a profoundly reactionary state of willfull emotional and psychological stuntedness. "That's white people ting. Black people don't do that. We have our own healing methods. Our own healers. Our own ways."
shrug...giggles...
And it's clear that our methods as they stand at this point in our Middle Passage sojourn are working for us like gangbusters, right. giggles...of the damned. :)

Anyhoo...
I don't have the emotional space or the patience to craft what I'm saying any better than this. My breast is killing me. My middle passage sibs are fucking killing me. My family of origin is killing me. So, I'm a little bit pissed. Apologies in advance if I step on anyone's toes or carefully constructed like a card house self image or fragile to the point of breaking ego when I say that in some ways, Black men as a collective subjugated by brutal patriarchally infused white domination, many of whom, having internalized the virulent form of patriarchy they/we were all taught by white european captors...
as a grouping so mistakenly blindly invested in compulsory heterosexuality...
the survivors of not just systemically inflicted violence but also of the violence inflicted on young patriarchs who must be stripped of their humanity in order to serve as willing vessels and agents of the patriarchy are endangered for more reasons than simply driving while Black or because of drugs or guns or gang violence or police brutality. Yes, sacrilege, I know, I know...I'm gonna rot in revolutionary hell.

There has been so much violence inflicted on Black men. This violence has had the effect of, Black men as a collective having mostly been kept in suspended animation, values completely informed by something that dates well back before most of the ones alive today were born.

I'm not interested in giving empty congratulatory kudos to individual ones I encounter or befriend or fuck or partner with here and there, many of whom nonetheless invite me to play iconic indulgent breastfeeding mama cheerleader to their pained ignorance.

I want a collective move. I want men who are completely invested in a collective move that stems from their commitment...NO...their visceral need to fucking transform patriarchal relations inside our communities rather than simply relying on wimmin who are strong, wimmin who are feminist, wimmin who are dykes, wimmin who are brave to take the risk to set the tone time and time again.

What's all this about?
sigh...
Papster has been getting some much needed emotional support and as a result he's been reading. He's still far from actually translating what he's reading and speaking about into a fundamental life change. He is, however, wearing skirts and kilts, wearing rings and jewelry, buying clothing that fits him tightly or flows around him. All of this I do appreciate immensely as it will demonstrate to Shmolee, if nothing else, that not all black men need to be kanye/carlton, stedman, dmx, usher or buju clones.

I don't know if Papster will ever allow himself to be completely wrapped up in a total decolonizing process on all possible levels. I don't know if I'll even recognize what he chooses to do as transformative if he does. I don't know if he'll be able to do it in time to save not his life, but Shmolee's.

This is really all about Shmolee at the end of the day, isn't it? He deserves a chance to live free of patriarchy drowning his spirit, blunting his emotions, greying his clothing choices, stiffening his back, limiting his options as a future sexual human being.

In any case...
This book was over breakfast conversation yesterday and I hope it will remain so for quite a while.
"The Fifties male had a clear vision of what a man was, and what male responsibilities were, but the isolation and one-sidedness of his vision were dangerous.

During the sixties, another sort of man appeared. The waste and violence of the Vietnam war made men question whether they knew what an adult male really was. If manhood meant Vietnam, did they want any part of it? Meanwhile, the feminist movement encouraged men to actually look at women, forcing them to become conscious of concerns and sufferings that the Fifties male labored to avoid. As men began to examine women's history and women's sensibility, some men began to notice what was called their feminine side and pay attention to it. This process continues to this day, and I would say that most contemporary men are involved in it in some way.

There's something wonderful about this development -- I mean the practice of men welcoming their own "feminine" consciousness and nurturing it -- this is important -- and yet I have the sense that there is something wrong. The male in the past twenty years has become more thoughtful, more gentle. But by this process he has not become more free. He's a nice boy who pleases not only his mother but also the young woman he is living with.

In the seventies I began to see all over the country a phenomenon that we might call the "soft male." Sometimes even today when I look out at an audience, perhaps half the young males are what I'd call soft. They're lovely, valuable people -- I like them -- they're not interested in harming the earth or starting wars. There's a gentle attitude toward life in their whole being and style of living.

But many of these men are not happy, You quickly notice the lack of energy in them. They are life-preserving but not exactly life-giving. Ironically, you often see these men with strong women who positively radiate energy.

Here we have a finely tuned young man, ecologically superior to his father, sympathetic to the whole harmony of the universe, yet he himself has little vitality to offer.

The strong or life-giving women who graduated from the sixtiesm so to speak, or who have inherited an older spirit, played an important part in producing this life-preserving, but not life-giving, man.

I remember a bumper sticker during the sixties that read ""WOMEN SAY YES TO MEN WHO SAY NO." Wr recognize that it took a lot of courage to resist the draft, go to jail or move to Canada, just as it took courage to accept the draft and go to Vietnam. But the women of twenty years ago were definitely saying that they preferred the softer receptive male.

So the development of men was affected a little in this preference. Nonreceptive maleness was equated with violence, and receptive maleness was rewarded.

Some energetic women, at that time and now in the nineties, chose and still choose soft men to be their lovers and, in a way, perhaps, to be their sons. The new distribution of "yang" energy among couples didn't happen by accident. Young men for various reasons wanted their harder women, and women began to desire softer men. It seemed like a nice arrangement for a while, but we've lived with it long enough now to see that it isn't working out.

I first learned about the anguish of the "soft" men when they told their stories in early men's gatherings. In 1980, the Lama Community in New Mexico asked me to teach a conference for men only, their first, in which about forty men participated. Each day we concentrated on one Greek god and one old story, and then late in the afternoons we gathered to talk. When the younger men spoke it was not uncommon for them to be weeping within five minutes. The amount of grief and anguish in these younger men was astounding to me.

Part of their grief rose out of remoteness from their fathers, which they felt keenly, but partly, too, grief flowed from trouble in their marriages or relationships. They had learned to be receptive, but receptivity wasn't enough to carry their marriages through troubled times. In every relationship something fierce is needed once in a while: both the man and the woman need to have it. But at the point when it was needed, often the young man came up short. He was nurturing, but something else was required -- for his relationship, and for his life.

The "soft" male was able to say, "I can feel your pain, and I consider your life as important as mine, and I will take care of you and comfort you." But he could not say what he wanted, and stick by it. Resolve of that kind was a different matter.

In The Odyssey, Hermes instructs Odysseus that when he approaches Circe, who stands for a certain kind of matriarchal energy, he is to lift or show his sword. In these early sessions it was difficult for many of the younger men to distinguish between showing the sword and hurting someone. One man, a kind of incarnation of certain spiritual attitudes of the sixties, a man who had actually lived in a tree for a year outside Santa Cruz, found himself unable to extend his arm when it held a sword. He had learned so well not to hurt anyone that he couldn't lift the steel, even to catch the light of the sun on it. But showing a sword doesn't necessarily mean fighting. It can also suggest a joyful decisiveness."






if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Then I fixed the description I wrote of mySELF...

I'm in pain, sort of a breastfeeding related gom jabbar. The milk blister might also be a symptom of breast yeast. Not fun. Shooting, stabbing pains. I'm taking homeopathics and trying to remind myself to not take in too much sugar. Drinking more water. Fingers crossed.

Intense pain means I'm not feeling particularly friendly. So I haven't been answering comments folks have left.

Pain aside, I'm still in here. My mind is painendorphindrugged clear. So I made Stinkapee a grilled cheese sandwich and now I'm blogging. :)

I've been working on the profile for the dating site. It's going well. It seems to have taken on a life of its own. :)

I decided to repost it here because this blog was and still is a massive probe which predates my using the dating site in the exact same way.

This is my SELF description...
first off i want to say a heart felt thank you to the people i've encountered or approached on this site who have dealt with my inexperience with much forbearance. some have been jackasses, true. :) but there have been a few now who have exchanged patient words and affectionate energy with me who have taught me quite a bit about how to navigate through this place.

you see...
i've never joined a dating site before. i never even chatted with someone using yahoo messenger or gmail or any of these tools. when i interact with people who have very well developed e-communication skills and social ways of being honed online via chat rooms, listservs and places like okc, i sometimes feel out of my league because their online ways of being seem much more well developed than mine.

nonetheless...
i am learning...*even* from people who decided to say: "thanks but no thanks."

i usually decide how to approach people on this site based on what they write about themselves, their stated desires and their lives as described by them but also based on the kinds of wordings they utilize. i cruised one poly man really forthrightly a few days ago because his profile page was all "i am the god of lust and you already want me"...he hasn't responded to my equally forthright "i am the goddess of lust and if you don't want me yet, you will very shortly" :) transmission but i see him pop up in the sidebar occasionally...i think i traumatized him. think i'll leave him right there. giggles...

as i said, i'm new to online dating but i had to try since meeting people in my city home feels like such a massive bust. living in a city as small and overwhelmingly backward as toronto, i've had great difficulty meeting men of passion, presence, consciousness and intellect whose gaze is oppositional enough and cosmopolitan enough to understand and appreciate who i am.

they often want less in a companion than what i have to offer. they often offer considerably less as potential companions than what i crave and seek.

i know there is a great risk attached to being as out and open as i am being here on this site. i take my life, reputation and safe passage on the sidewalks of this city in my own hands by showing myself here. but there is very little choice for me, though. the people i'm seeking are subcultures within subcultures...tiny, almost not visible needles in massive haystacks. as i would be, if i didn't stridently out myself, putting myself in harm's way as a way of saying: "HERE I AM!"

recently, i told a friend that if my death bed finds me in this rattid city, i will die underwhelmed, dissatisfied and thoroughly enraged. although i don't travel, i'm actually seeking people who live away from this place. i'm seeking people who are willing to travel and come see me and people i would take the risk to cross say...the amerikkkan border to come see.

having said that...
i'm feeling my way through articulating what i'm seeking. so realize that from time to time there will be changes to my profile. sometimes i may sound more optimistic. sometimes i will sound less. sometimes i will sound more open to different possibilities. sometimes i will have very specific things in mind.

always what you read here will be layered, full, messy and contradictory. if this doesn't disturb you, then read on...

i am a 40 year old, fiery WYSIWYG, Black conscious, barbadian-born, north amerikkkan raised, capricornian, dark skinned, matriarchal, polyamorous, class conscious, fat, tall, rogue scholar happily living in exile, ancestor/universe/ goddess worshiping, kinky (doesn't mean i'll be sexual with anyone), queer (i lived a good portion of my life as a lesbian turned dyke before i decided queer as a way to indicate my radical sexuality-oriented political worked...for now), cisgendered, femme, polymath, bottom (who can but doesn't really prefer to switch), far-seer based in toronto.

i'm mama to one six and a half year old girl child and a fatty boi who is about two years old. i was raised by a musician (bass and trumpet).

i'm a passionate, insightful, verbal, irreverent, truthful person. one caveat would be that i'm not a polyanna or a rule follower. i don't always chose what many would consider the "good" or "right" decision because by the time i filter my alternatives through my experience, my critical analysis and my perception of any given situation my choice might be seen by those who are completely by the book as "bad" or "wrong".

nonetheless...
i understand myself as fundamentally a solid, honourable and ethical person who happens to live in really bad, oppressive and complicated times.

i am mercurial, as in...changeable. If you know me over a period of time you will see me often flowing with ease between being intensely serious, nurturing, melancholy, giggly, anxious, fearlessly sexual, distracted, fiery furious, haunted, completely goofy, bored, impatient, loving and obsessed. It's all in me. All of this is me.

i'm not really a group or joining sort of person. i think that people are really difficult to read and to get to know. i realize that this may mean that i'm different than the vast majority of poly people i encounter who seem to embrace new people with joy, humour and ease.

with me meeting people takes time. meeting the lover, wife or partner of someone i'm engaging with is something that i feel comes after i've found out a bit about the person i first approached. i'm not someone who can just jump into the midst of someone else's poly or open relationship without hesitation. i need to get a lay of the land first.

i know i've probably alienated at least one poly dyad on this site by being really hesitant to immediately engage with the female partner of a man i found attractive. us wimmin are complex creatures. every engagement between us is a dance of intimacy. if i'm going to be engaging with the female partner of a man i've approached i'd like to know a bit about how their relationship functions before i jump into the middle of it. it's just how i move.

i am an open, intuitive introvert who knows there is at least one facet of herself, a really rebellious, brave teenager self, who is much more extroverted and willing to reach out to absolute strangers on okcupid. when i come here, that part of me has a fucking blast. :)

i have been in therapy (talk and art based not psychiatric) since my mid teens, off and on. this has been valuable work for me. i actually prefer to engage with people, who, if they haven't spent any length of time in counselling, at least have found a way to examine, embrace, explore, face facets of themselves and their emotions that most people are taught to avoid or deny. i have the most fruitful and promising conversations with these kinds of people.

i am re-learning who i am as a queerly perverse sexual being. i am taking a long hard look at who/what attracts me sexually. this site is really good for that.

because i am a writer, poet, visual artist, blogger i like people who are creative and wordy. i deeply admire people who like words and who use them with passion, irreverence, insight and courage.

there isn't a particular physical type, race, gender i'm specifically seeking. right now i'm really attracted to difference and contrast. i'm tasting and testing and feeling my way.

in any case, attraction for me is more about curiosity, the new, the interesting...the odd. i really like people who reflect deeply and ask themselves tough questions.

changes...
i am married to seminalson who is on his own sexual, emotional, individual path. i came into that relationship polyamorous but without a whole lot of experiences to my credit. our relationship was open from the beginning but as the demands of family and children and the weight of the heterocentric, monogamous fixated world closed in we lapsed into performing something that seemed so much like monogamy that we...ended up forgetting for many years, who we had originally wanted to be to each other.

phew. struggle, anger, fear, sadness, more anger, anxiety, conversation upon conversation upon conversation, more powerful emotions, silence, processing, emotions, pulling apart, together, apart, more emotions, more conversation, more struggle...then tentative release and joyful relief...
our relationship is transforming.

he is attempting to locate himself and can best do this outside the constraints of a primary relationship with me.

he's my best friend. we share culture, language, aspects of our upbringing. no one knows me as well as he does. we co-parent together and squabble like siblings...a lot. we spend lots of time together but we are no longer primary partners or sexual partners for that matter. so our relationship is not what you'd expect of a married, cross gendered twosome. don't allow your values, assumptions or values to box me/him or us in. you do neither of us any favours when you see me as his possession or him as mine. engage with me as an individual. that's who i've chosen to be. that's who i strive to be. that's part of why i'm here on okcupid.

i am open to long term dating more so than short term emotionally disconnected dating. i eventually want to find at least two (preferrably more) other people who are committed to building long term, polyamorous or polyfidelitous relationship/family/community with me. i'm not closed to the idea of having another child in the context of a committed polyamorous or polyfidelitous relationship.

although i can and do like to play sexually via chat i'm not too impressed with the idea of having online-focussed sexual interactions as my only form of sexual or social interaction. they're not satisfying as a mainstay either physically or emotionally. there's got to be something more than some words on a screen or even a voice on the other end of the line. i want more.

i am HIV negative and don't have any sexually transmitted viruses and am in good health.

oh, and also, if you put a lot of stock in the questions as an indicator of compatibility, please realize that when i came to okc initially i didn't understand how things worked and what the purpose of the questions were never having used a dating site before. as a result i answered the questions in ways that wouldn't help me realize their full potential. i also answered without realizing i could put multiple answers. sometimes i answered theoretically, meaning that any given issue might be something i hadn't thought about that didn't apply directly to me (consumption of human meat...herpes and dating...), but if i had to think about it or deal with it in my own life...this is how i would answer...but also, i tend to play rebellious devil's advocate and get mischievous...so some of my answers formerly reflected this fact. in any case i have been going back and re-examining some of my answers. :)

soooo...
this profile is being overhauled as you read in order to more aptly reflect my own contrary contradictory...multifaceted...ness. :)
I'm really good at:
hmmm...
"i have often wondered why the farthest-out position always feels so right to me; why extremes, although difficult and sometimes painful to maintain, are always more comfortable than one plan running straight down a line in the unruffled middle. what i really understand is a particular kind of determination. it is stubborn, it is painful, it is infuriating, but it often works."
- audre lorde


writing...erotica and politics...sometimes even separately

truth telling

cussing ;)

working to stay grounded

empathizing with others

emotionally supporting others in times of crisis or confusion in healthy, boundary respecting ways

working at being an ethical sexually skilled human being

telling disgustingly insanely irreverent jokes (but you won't hear any of these unless we get reeeally, REEEally close)

hairstyling and hair cutting

sewing

really tasty creative home cooking

baking...especially baking bread...but really how hard is it to put bread flour, whole wheat flour, spelt flour, oats, sunflowers, raisins, cinnamon, coconut flakes, olive oil, an egg, brown sugar, water, salt and yeast (or some equally good tasting variation of these) in a bread maker, press buttons and stand back? :)

oh...and i like to dance...a LOT

having conversations about the books i'm reading is always something i like to do with people who are near and dear

making herbal remedies

painting rooms really colourfully, really fast

building and lighting campfires...i was a child pyromaniac...a very, very careful one...i had a summer job at a camp one year and learned all about the correct way to build a fire...i never forgot. :)

making up words...which is very different from the fact that my grammar and punctuation royally suck :)

not following rules...or making new ones
and having said that i am honour bound to point out that this differs radically from developing criteria for any interaction through conversation with another person and following the terms of the resulting agreements...i'm really good at that

having my feelings without completely acting out

asking "why?"

challenging outmoded beliefs and value systems

creating household systems and family/community rituals

inventing new anti-holidays

oh and when i take on a task i am thorough and pay a healthy amount of attention to detail

when it comes to working at projects and things that excite me i have a lot of endurance and like to push myself

visual art...painting with brightly coloured acrylics, drawing with pencil, pen and ink or oil pastels

im becoming a photographer...self taught

behaving like a slightly domesticated klingon female...post operative (for the forehead ridges and jagged teeth)
The first thing(s) people usually notice about me
hmmm...
i'm...handsome. i won't say pretty or beautiful or cute. those adjectives i'll leave for others whose main directive is to present in a surface pleasing manner. papi...seminalson says i'm striking. that works for me, as well.

i like to play with clothes and with make-up. this is also one of the ways i work to smooth my way through a really diseased, looks obsessed world. i'm well versed in the colourful art of mac make-up related facial camouflauge. i paint up really well, but i don't present unnaturally everyday. so if you meet me and i am dressed to tha nines, eyelids and lips alive with colour and my skin's natural oils blotted out by a light layer of (my) flesh coloured loose powder, realize that the next time you see me i may be very very plain faced and more casually dressed.

also, i'm tall, very shapely (i have the body of a fully grown adult woman complete with belly, bum and thighs that jiggle), my hair is yellow (usetabe...now it's red...nope, now it's yellow again), i have a tattoo on my right breast and another on my right bicep...probably as they draw closer...that i have clipped not shaven underarms...that i tend to squint...degenerative eye disorder that prescription glasses can't fully address...oh, and...my energy can be fairly intense.
My favorite books, movies, music, and food
i lost this entire section. i will now have to recreate it from scratch. Don't know how long that will take. bear with me. what follows is the bare bones. i have lists of most of these things in blogland. so i can reconstruct everything except my favourite books section with ease. i'll re-add everything that was here...in time...right now it's really messy...and in process...

my favorite books:
in my tweens and teens my reading tastes were heavily influenced by my father who raised me. he was a sci-fi and fantasy reader. i became one as well. when i needed to escape to other worlds i read asimov, heinlein, clarke, tolkien, le guin, herbert, bradbury, mccaffrey, moorcock, tanith lee, poul anderson, samuel delany.

i remain such a huge fan of sci-fi/fantasy that one of my children is named after one of guy gavriel kay's books and the other is named after the main character in one of octavia butlers books.

ummm...
i was also raised around a lot of horror themed books, too. i used to read a lot of steven king and peter straub...even done some edgar allan poe.

many years earlier, in public school i read a lot of egyptian, greek, roman and norse mythology.

i also loved arthurian legends.

fast forward to adulthood...
these days with so much going on in the world, i'm forced to read about life on terra mostly non-fictionally if i'm gong to survive...still a little bit of fiction, but it's dystopic...octavia butler comes to mind.

as far as non-fiction goes...right now naomi klein's the shock doctrine is fucking up my head. i carry it with me most places. my grounding is in black consciousness, black feminism, black lesbian feminism...feminism generally, queer studies, sexual radicality...with a smattering of gender studies thrown in the shake up my cisgendered world...with a heaping does of class analysis which develops day by day.

rozena maart's talk about it was foundational for me in terms of my approach to articulating the political. her new book the writing circle has left it's mark on me, too.

bury my heart at wounded knee is a book that is also staying with me right now as i continue to deal with the emotional, social and political effects of locating myself as low level colonized settler occupier squatting on stolen land.

so is the slave ship which completely triggers collective middle passage memories related to travel, trauma, abuse and family. if you really want to understand what drives me, this book is a good place to start.

so is audre zorde's zami which in a lot of ways has formed the foundation for my black queer feminist politics.

anything by patrick califia-rice written probably before his change...i haven't bought anything new by him in a while but all his old stuff rocked my world. i like to read about people of colour, race, feminism, class, hierarchy, gender roles, gender binaries, queerness, radical sexualities, homebirth, midwifery, defiance and rebellion.

favourite books include:
beloved
love
jazz
making face, making soul - haciendo caras
the ethical slut
homegirls
leatherfolk
lesbian polyfidelity
screw the roses, send me the thorns: the romance and sexual sorcery of sadomasochism
our bodies ourselves
killing rage
sisters of the yam
we real cool
all about love
women race and class
talking back
the courage to heal
the mists of avalon
midnight's children
the telling
the edible woman
a handmaid's tale
oryx and crake
women who run with the wolves
feminist theory: from margin to center
this bridge called my back
public sex
sex changes: the politics of transgenderism
bitch goddess
poor bashing
spiritual midwifery
heart and hands
transgender warriors
transforming families
another mother tongue
the black atlantic: modernity and double consciousness
black women, writing, and identity: migrations of the subject
sex work
the black holocaust for beginners
the fifth sacred thing
lilith's brood
wildseed
kindred
parable of the talents
parable of the sower
the black unicorn: poems
sister outsider
macho sluts
coming to power
the second coming
ann rice writing a. n. roquelaure's beauty books
the curse: a cultural history of menstruation
b boy blues and the second book - 2nd time around

i like horror and sci-fi movies...just not zombie movies. i like period movies, biblical epics (no, i'm not christian...it's like watching fantasy movies...with a cast of thousands...) i like documentaries about pretty much anything at all...

all time favourites include (i'll divide these into docs and fictional films when i have more time):

zero patience
tongues untied
safe is desire
kanehsatake 270 years of resistance
12 monkeys
the johnsons
jack be nimble
a boy and his dog
labyrinth
sankofa
30 days of night
28 days later
grease
purple rain
the cook, the thief, his wife and her lover
the draughtsman's contract
drowning by numbers
a zed and two noughts
children of men
the navigator
the mist
angels and insects
elizabeth
dangerous liaisons
midnight cowboy
the haunting of julia
harold and maude
deliverance
omega man
i am legend
planet of the apes series (the original movie series)
soylent green
rosemary's baby
white oleander
aimee and jaguar
the fluffer
witches of eastwick
boys don't cry
practical magic
the divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood
dying at grace
still doing it
the omen
little darlings
blade runner
minority report
i, robot
westworld
the stepford wives (1975 version)
chuck and buck
jaws
invasion of the body snatchers (1956, 1978)
hellraiser
coffee coloured children
the shining
daughters of the dust
afropunk
quills
beloved
do the right thing
my summer of love
audition
aurore
the joy luck club
antonia's line
bound
gattaca
the celebration
the skeleton key
cronos
the devil's backbone
paper house
stigmata
heathers
dark water (japanese version and amerikkkan version)
prey for rock and roll
the matrix
aliens
road warrior
blade (i&II)
terminator II
ararat
the gift
the ten commandments
the robe
ben hur
a litany for survival
lord of the rings (whole series)
harry potter (whole series)
dune (mini series)
eve's bayou
fallen
declin de l'empire americain
desert hearts
el crimen del padre amaro
the king
paris is burning
se7en
fargo
the silence of the lambs
dead ringers
the sixth sense
the fifth flement
terms of endearment
less than zero
unforgiven
babette's feast
the hunger
chicken run
highlander
spider
darkness
the dark
the ugly
dark city
delicatessen
white light, dark rain
fierce people
trouble everyday
everything is illuminated
the hours
kirikou
a handmaid's tale
hedwig and the angry inch
this film is not yet rated
i am an animal

you should know i do watch television. like many north amerikkkan children i was raised on sesame street, star trek, little house on the prairie, the brady bunch, gilligan's island, the carol burnette show, the twilight zone, the outer limits...later on i tuned into city tv's new music in time to see boy george come on the scene...everybody at my school were carrying on about him...wondering whether he was a man or a woman the next day at school.

by the early to mid nineties i was a fairly cocooned lesbian separatist feminist who owned a tv...without cable. i did not pay much attention to most of what was on the idiot box, i didn't even really listen to the radio...only university radio...until i ended up in a relationship with someone who had children who were being raised in contact with the mainstream. they watched television and paid attention to pop culture and craved branded shoes and clothing. it was such a culture shock for me on so many levels. i needed to find words to describe what i encountered via this family's connection to the popular, brand obsessed world. people i was encountering were giggling about martha stewart and talking about xena and buffy the vampire slayer and i didn't know who these people were. they were talking about something called pop culture and i didn't know what it was.

it was also becoming clear to me that staying in a small, familial, incestuous community/grouping wasn't going to work for me. i was coming out...of dyke community. if i was going to survive, i was going to have to understand the outside world and since television is such a massively important vehicle for the conveyance of mainstream culture and values, i decided i would watch it...critically...and treat it as a guilty little pleasure. :)

the shows i presently watch or used to watch until they were canceled or finished their last season or was raised watching or watch because i watch them with my children include:

star trek (all versions except the idiotic enterprise)
dr. who (the old british version)
regenesis
dexter
supernatural
csi (original version)
x-files
medium
big love
simpsons (first few seasons)
kids in the hall
this hour has 22 minutes
the colbert report
criminal minds
house
the burning zone
the 4400
buffy
angel
xena
six feet under
tell me you love me
in treatment
almost anything on the food channel

kid stuff i watch with my children includes:

miss spider's friends
nana's house
the backyardigans
the save-ums
the mole sisters
peep and the big wide world
zaboomafoo

as far as music goes...first off, you should know that i like to sing at home...in the kitchen while cooking, in the shower...in my bedroom...i'll sing along to jan arden, to smashing pumpkins, to billie holiday, to bif naked, to metallica, to rupaul, to timberland...no musical act i've ever heard enough times to be able to memorize the words and melodies for their songs are sacred. can the daughter of a musician hold a note to save her own life? well you'll have to be the judge of that. :)

and then...
to those people who some would call music snobs...those who pride themselves on always knowing and appreciating the newest or most obscure bands, the indie acts...who, as teenagers, had disposable income or access to their parents' disposable income in order to procure as much new music as they wanted...who didn't have to choose between new tapes or vinyl and buying food...who, as a result of this experience, choose people, potential friends and lovers and partners based on their obscure or indie or kewl taste in music...chances are you're not going to like me or my list. :)
you see...
in terms of music genres although my tastes range far and wide...even traipsing over into the land of country...just near one or two songs by the dixie chicks and shania...ugh, i know...pure cheese, my faves have been completely informed by radio. other than that i like pop music...sort of like white noise that i don't have to think too deeply about while i think deeply about other more important things.

i like rock music ranging from cock rock to grunge to pop rock to metal to the old huge bands...i like new wave (which i guess is now old wave)...i like r&b and soul and disco...hip-hop (please circle back up to what i wrote about pop music...it's pretty much the same deal here except the beats are more complexly danceable than with pop...but i really like eighties and early nineties hip-hop and understand it as more intelligent and less commercial...more full of meaning)...i like jazz, but i wouldn't call myself a connoisseur by any means...i like classical...same deal as with jazz.

i'm interested in learning about bands and kinds of music i haven't encountered before. so if you like any kind of music not mentioned on this list, i hope you don't mind if i ask you to provide examples for me to listen to as a way to get to know you better.

(oh, and if i repeat any acts on this list please let me know, okay?)
led zep
fleetwood mac
the stones
boston
chicago
the eagles
pink flloyd
springsteen
stevie nicks
duran duran
flock of seagulls
tears for fears
gary numan
bauhaus
the cure
earth wind and fire
chaka khan
diana ross
roberta flack
patti labelle
tina turner
shannon
jermaine stewart
the sos band
earth wind and fire
roberta flack
depeche mode
old u2 (definitely a high school thing)
bob seger
joe cocker
bonnie raitt
eurythmics
annie lennox
kate bush
nina hagen
the police
mariah carey (okay, this is embarassing)
jodeci
old public enemy
old krs-1
heart
old prince
donna summer
the bee gees (their voices make me giggle)
metallica
black sabbath
old ozzy
genesis (with peter gabriel as lead singer)
old whitney houston
tom petty and the heartbreakers
lenny kravitz
old elton john
nine inch nails
d’angelo
queen latifah (when she was butch)
tlc (when they looked like pretty little bois)
ya kid k
old salt n pepa
foxy brown (more for her absolute brazenness)
peter tosh
outkast
living color
old madonna
smashing pumpkins
red hot chilli peppers
audioslave
sound garden
stone temple pilots
old joe jackson
old elvis costello
ac/dc
the clash
apocalyptica
rammstein
death cab for cutie
our lady peace
billy talent
billy idol
dire straits
the english beat
tracy chapman (when I need to cry, cuz she’s so depressing)
rough trade (I was singing along before I was savvy enough to realize what she was on about)
old david bowie
simple minds
missy (fatty girl version)
nirvana
the cure
simon and garfunkel
the pretenders
seal
prodigy (really, just “firestarter”)
massive attack
michael jackson (before the face and complexion thing)
the doors
rush
red rider
robbie robertson
foreigner
journey
the who
pat benetar
cyndi lauper
pink floyd
neil young
the cranberries
billie holiday
george benson
old queen
the kinks
old aerosmith
pet shop boys
nine inch nails
aretha franklin
mary j. blige
joan jett and the blackhearts
talking heads
grand master flash and the furious five
the sugar hill gang (rapper's delight)
alanis morrisette (only her first album after leaving canuck pop stardom behind...which i, coincidentally, am old enough to have witnessed)
janis joplin
erasure
rupaul
new edition
old janet jackson (mostly before she got the stoopid abs and the butt done)
white stripes

In terms of food likes...I favour spicy sushi, ethiopian...pretty much any dish that let's me eat lots of injera with my fingers, italian, especially any pasta done up all putanesca style :) , south asian especially mutter paneer, tandoori chicken, butter chicken, ras mulai, mango lassi and gulab jamun... thai, especially pad thai and red curry....anything with glass noodles, i like vietnames soups and any kind of meat done vietnamese style...authentic chinese, especially dim sum...I'm beginning to appreciate vegan foods and i really like tofu, but I'm a carnivore...who prefers well seasoned fish...raw salmon...smoked salmon, shrimp, squid, medium rare new york steaks, olives, pesto, spanokopita, prosciutto, paella, garlic, mascarpone cheese, bocconcini cheese, dubliner cheese, tea biscuits, cocount bread, coo-coo (not couscous), souse, black pudding, caribbean style curry, roti, jerk chicken, oxtail...peanut butter...tea.earl grey.hot...jasmine tea, strong coffee...vanilla ice cream...pralines and cream ice cream...gelato...butter...olive oil...sesame seed oil...spinach...cauliflower, mushrooms, watermelon, mango, paw paw (most people call it it papaya)pink wine...fruity beers like bellevue kriek, fruli and mort subite framboise...
The six things I could never do without
in no particular order:
reading (books and internet)
my emotional work
my radical lefty politics
love
intelligent conversation
touch (on a continuum ranging from bear hugs and kisses on both cheeks right on up to rough, nekkid, passionate, perverse, loving, explorational fucking)
the rest of my description is already posted in a few different forms here on this blog.


if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I've been a low level colonized settler/occupier all my life and still...I know they're right...

INDIGENOUS CELEBRATION OF FAILED U.S. “BAIL-OUT” OF WALL STREET - WE ARE HOPING THAT COLONIAL LAND SCAMS ON TURTLE ISLAND WILL COLLAPSE FOR GOOD.

MNN. Sept. 30, 2008. All is not lost. There is a good side to the economic “melt down” of the bankers’ attempts to continue their enslavement of the people. Thanks to the senators who refused to bail out these crooks, maybe we can save the planet. The U.S. dollar is going south hot on the heels of the U.S. reputation.

These swindlers believe that anyone who doesn’t have independent wealth has no claim to even the smallest crust of bread. The indigenous way is that nature provides to all. We have a right to the food we need.

We never surrendered our territories. Every square inch of Turtle Island is Indigenous. We are so glad the gluttony for our territories and resources may come to an end. We Indigenous are still here to issue our warnings.

European colonial incursion into Onowaregeh, Turtle Island, began with fraud and continued for 500 years, to the peril and detriment of the Indigenous peoples. In the late 1500’s the British issued illegal charters to land speculators such as Humphrey Gilbert and Walter Raleigh. They illegally sold 20 million acres of our land before they even set foot here. The scam continued to the present.

To stay in the colonial game everybody’s been forced to borrow. When the credit runs out the game is over for them. This is where these hacks took everybody. Now these “no goodniks” are still trying to scare everybody into submission.

President George Bush and his “crew” of obedient politicians and media “talking heads” thought that they could scare Congress into passing the bill to help out their banker friends. When it didn’t pass, the politicians and the media panicked. They ran around, pulling at their expensively coiffed hair and were lost for words. It turned out that Bush and company were lying to everybody yet again.

The U.S. lied and sold a bill of goods to everybody worldwide. Surprise! Surprise! The Europeans have been doing this to us and other Indigenous people for centuries. As a result of the fraudulent mortgage bundles the U.S. sold around the world, which the U.S. gave AAA guarantees to, local and foreign banks bought them up. They wanted to get in on the enslavement of the people. When the housing bubble burst, these bundles turned out to be totally worthless. They are stuck with them. This is all due to deception, greed and lying, something they often did themselves. Now the U.S. oligarchs are scrambling to restructure a new bail out proposal that would attract reluctant law makers and soothe the unnerved “Prozac ladened” financial markets.

The “giant suction cup” of wealth in the hands of a few swindlers is taking itself down. We hope indiscriminate mining, logging and oil exploration will decline. International trade is already affected. Canada ’s biggest trade export is to the U.S. They will not be able to buy from Canada like they used to. Who wants the U.S. dollar anyway?

It is criminal to raise money from the public on the stock exchanges putting up stolen land and resources as the collateral. We never gave our informed permission for anyone to access our territories and resources. This scam had to fall apart sometime.

Is this a catastrophe or a blessing? Can we hope that there will be no more oil and minerals taken out of our land; or water polluted and dammed; or trees clear cut and depleted; or skies, ground and rivers destroyed beyond habitation for us and everyone else; and no money to buy weapons to carry out wars and commit other human rights abuses. Fancy weaponry for the heavily armed police forces may have no bullets in them to shoot us with. Prisoners will be turned out of their cages.

Let’s look at it positively. People will have to learn how to live with less. Being poor will become fashionable. Second hand clothes will become trendy. Forget about that 52-inch TV you were thinking of getting. Get a smaller one. Better yet, save your electricity and stop watching TV. Get to know your spouse, family and kids. We have time for this because we don’t have jobs.

Our communities and relations with our neighbors will have to become stronger. We’ll find out that by working together we can not only survive but we can have fun.

Let’s declare a general strike and everybody can go to the thrift shop for our clothing and household appliances. The multi-nationally owned malls will be empty, full of goods and no one to buy them. We could sit on the benches, look into the windows and eat our brown bag lunches.

Local farming will be a must. We could have larger gardens because we’ll have time to look after them. The “survival sites” on the internet have a lot of great ideas for this. People won’t be able to get drugs or alcohol which some people used to relieve the problems created by the dog-eat-dog lifestyle.

Another good side of the melt down is that since the US dollar is worth less, or maybe even “worthless”, the investors will have a harder time to corrupt politicians or undermine us and our rights. Corporate, military and political heads will have to look at another way of making an honest living.

The exploitation and destruction of Turtle Island was by a certain elite who took advantage of everyone. It was a scheme that favored the most ruthless speculators. This time they failed to frighten the people. They are scrambling around to make the resuscitated bail-out look yummy and attractive. This could be financial ruin for these sharks. Let’s burn tobacco and hope for a strong wind to fan the flames to make sure they are dealt with properly.

Our great law, the Kaianerekowa, does have provisions for dealing with those who commit espionage, treason and conspiracy, similar to other societies. “It’s always interesting to see people who have murdered, lied and stolen to squirm, wiggle and tell more fantastic lies to keep their heads on their shoulders, their tongues in their mouths and their “hands” attached to their bodies when they realize they are ultimately going to be confronted by the peoples they defrauded. [rumormillnews.com]

The U.S. and Canada are guilty of killing and oppressing us to take control of everything we had. In exchange they gave us genocide, worthless treaties, empty words and now their debts. We were not the contracting party. They illegally used our land and resources to wheel and deal. We are not going to take responsibility for their debts. They have no credit or credibility with us. Let them implode.

We need to return to respect for the land and each other. Is it too soon to start the drums rolling so we can start dancing and singing?

Karakwine & MNN Staff
Mohawk Nation News www.mohawknationnews.com
Katenies20@yahoo.com kahentinetha2@yahoo.com

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Posted by MNN Mohawk Nation News www.mohawknationnews.com
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if what you're reading here grips you, holds you, fascinates you, provokes you, emboldens you, pushes you, galvanizes you, discomfits you, tickles you, enrages you so much that you find yourself returning again and again...then link me.