Yup, shiny new relationship...stuff...

I'm so fucking distracted right now.

I'm drunk with it.

I'm overexcited.

I'm filled with joy.

I'm giddy.

I'm not really being super present online right now.

I'm living in real time.

I'm loving in real time.

I'm hardcore lusting in real time.

What I'm feeling and experiencing with bug/simian boy feels so unfamiliar. I was saying to seminalson that I don't think I remember ever feeling this way. I don't ever remember being with someone who I didn't have to persuade to see me, to feel for me, to love me. I've never been with someone who seems to be as much of a giver as I am if not more.

So much affection, hugs, stroking, butterfly kisses, pecks on the cheeks, playing in each other's hair, hand holding, tickling...affection in overdrive...tenderness.

We've had some truly amazing times with each other and it has only been just under three months since we finally agreed to be with each other.

I trust him. He trusts me.

I love him. He loves me.

I am his. He is mine.

Nothing exclusive or monogamous or closed about any of what we feel. Just intensity, passion, presence, vulnerability, intentionality. So much conversation and sharing, too.

This past weekend...absolute beauty. We played together as always. I haven't had this much sex with the same person in years. I'm still trying to realize that there is no need to feel any sense of urgency. He isn't leaving. I'm not leaving.

Naked, we touched and kissed and cavorted and shared.

He gave me something. He offered me something, a treasure, a gift, a wonder.

Face down, slicked, open, trusting, moaning, crying out, asking me to wait, just wait a sec...let him acclimatize to the sensation, the fullness, the shift in role top to bottom. Just...let...him...process

the sensations.

And then...

When I heard the change in his moans...

When I sense the change in his limbs, tense to relaxed...

When I instinctively knew he was okay, that he would be okay...

Beginning to ever so gently...

Move inside him...

Whispering endearments...

"beauty, sweet, sweet beauty...you're so beautiful"

showering his sweat dampened back with kisses...

Loving him...

Loving him all the more for risking as I always risk...

For opening as I always open...

For moaning and crying out as I always moan and cry...

And ask for more...

I think it was his second time. The first, also with a woman, sounded brutal, merciless, uncaring, as if he was meant to experience stiff, erect, phallic trauma, violence. As if he was supposed to cry and writhe and hurt because maybe this is what she had experienced at the hands of men...impaled, stabbed to her core.

This was his second time and I tried to make it gentle and loving. I tried to let him know how much I appreciated him and what he was doing. I don't think I was worried about making it hot. Instead I tried to make it humane. I tried to make it sweet.

My cock was smaller than the one he showed me that had been used on him before.

Mine was smaller and blue. Not a big inflexible hard thick black dick. Not an iconic theoretical dominance/submission resistance, decolonizing dick wielded by an angry little girl/woman.

No. My dick was just a little curved blue flexible phallic facsimile made to bend and give slightly, conforming to the curves of a well lubed rectum. Meant to do as little damage as possible administering instead maximum pleasure.

But still...

I don't think he enjoyed the whole thing. In fact, he didn't even seem particular impressed when I, the one with the experience of having been penetrated in all easily penetrated orifices, began to penetrate him. :)

I tried to be wise.

I tried go easy.

I started with him on his back legs up high, my heavily lubed gloved fingers, real...real...real slow entering, exploring.

I remembered that my first anal sex was with a woman lover. She used a fair sized dildo on me. It was excruciating. But I survived to open another day. :) In that moment, though, the moment when she took me and opened me, it felt like fire. Too much...sensation...pain.

I wanted to spare him any more of that kind of fucking. Truly, I did. But I think he got bored and wasn't very turned on. Eventually he seemed to want to stop and not try at all.

Then I got annoyed with him and his lack of patience and ordered him to turn over face down, ass presented to me.

I lubed the smaller of my two dils, then lubed his hairy ass and began to carefully, gently, inexorably work my way into him. He squirmed, I think not sure whether he wanted to keep going or stop.

I wouldn't stop.

He has a safe word. He's also stronger than I am and is more than capable of either pulling away or of letting me know if/when he's done.

In that moment he did nothing to disturb what was unfolding. He stayed put.

So I, trying to hold fast to the bravery of a Top, quite the feat since I'm a Bottom and much prefer him to do awful things to me, to take full responsibility for the doing of awfully fun things to me :) , held fast and just kept working my way in, thrusting, back...and forth...back...and forth...in...and out...in...and out...

While he moved his hips, grinding himself back onto my cock until...

I was in. :) Then he did reconsider it seemed. :) giggles. His body tensed and his haunches tightened as if he would pull away and end it. But I, knowing that moment, that watershed, crisis point, knew what to do.

I praised him and kissed his back and caressed him and cajoled him and asked him to just...wait...

He did...wait and eventually we continued, me behind and on top expecting entry...repeatedly gently, intuitively opening him. and bug/simian under me and in front on his arms and knees softly moaning, bravely inviting me in...

I don't think he fully enjoyed it, though. The sensation is pretty extreme, even for someone like me who really likes anal a lot. His beautiful hard delicious cock is much, much, much bigger than mine. Some might find receiving him anally a challenge. But for me it's a treat. And I'm so very dedicated when it comes to being penetrated. :)

Now I've realized that so is he. :)

He mentioned something, I think it was afterward...or was it before (?) about being beyond fingers. He's been fucking himself with fingers and letting others fuck him with fingers for a while now, it seems. He's been coquettishly offering his ass up to me for as long as we've been playing. So I knew that eventually he would want to not just be "he who penetrates" but also "he who is penetrated".

I really appreciate him being queer'd enough that the idea of opening to me wasn't terrifying or theoretical or something he'd just do with another man.

Later, when we were both in the bathroom, me on the toilet, him washing at the sink, something clicked for him and he referenced the times where I had asked him to wait...just wait...he said he understood why, now because he'd had his own moment where he knew he couldn't proceed...yet. I agreed saying that there is something to be said about having the experience of being penetraTED when you've been only accustomed to penetraTING.

At some point when we were done maybe before we got dressed again he said that I was probably going to write about me fucking/penetrating him instead of him fucking/penetrating me. I said that I'd like to given that he was my first man with anything more than a finger or two. I said I wouldn't, though. Not unless he said that it was okay.

He smiled and explained that he wasn't disturbed about me sharing what had happened.

And so, I have. :)