Tuesday, December 29, 2009

So facebook does have its uses...

My year in facebook statuses...

January:
is recovering from food poisoning...someone else's cooking...New Year's eve...mercenary wonton dumpling...projectile things out both ends...better now...
is encouraging her food poisoned bowels to come out of shock...prunes...prune juice...yum, yum..
is thinking fondly about the piercing she's planning on getting...when she's better.
is reading http://www.avigailabarbanel.me.uk/brisbane.html
is awake, breastfeeding and seeking...
is reading this transctipt from 2003 - http://www.inminds.co.uk/jews-against-zionism.html
has not recently made friends with very many people. She is obviously not friendly and not particularly popular. :)
is however, craming her brain full of new information. Right now she is reading, watching and listenng to - http://sphr.org/v3/
feels exhilarated, expectant and filled with the power of manifestation...she did something massive this morning that left her feeling free...
is thinking about what has happened every single time the world watched and did nothing...historically speaking silence is always a harbinger of genocide.
is wanting to change the word "silence" in her last update to the phrase "the failure to act".
is doing some excruciating yet necessary facebook "friend" cleaning. :)
is considering donating her status to the Palestinian resistance... http://apps.facebook.com/supportgaza
is blogging.
is thinking about scorched earth as a means of resistance when there is no other perceivable way...
is thinking about Palestine and understands that the people have been cornered and allowed no other way...beam us all up, Scotty.
just got back from the hospital...her father is there...odd to see him that vulnerable...difficult.
is on her way to the hospital.
is blogging and decompressing...preparing to do it all over again tomorrow.
is distracting herself by searching for other poly folk.
is recovering from her latest emotionally draining, totally bizarre, completely triggering hospital visit.
does not want to go outside. She wants to not have to deal with anything but her feelings...
is preparing to pretend as if she's functioning.
has finished the pink wine...now she's onto the hard stuff - white wine. :)
is distracting herself from death...with birth...
wonders how everyone could party, cry tears of joy and release and congratulate themselves while Guantanamo Bay is still occupied & Gaza is destroyed.
is about to go through some of her father's personal effects.
is ... sigh....
is distracting herself...in some ways...at least on facebook...it's easy to be a fluffball in this context...
spent part of the morning blogging and realzing and processing and shreiking and crying...more dancing, please...
is about to watch The Hours.
is wandering...
is thinking about death and dying with grace...at grace...http://www.sundancechannel.com/videos/2303 18451
knows there is no right or wrong way to do this...except to move through...
is having family time with screeching, fidgetty little people.
is thinking about her father's cremation today.
is chatting with a new friend.
is looking for a musician to play instrumental music at her father's memorial.
is caught up in planning her father's memorial celebration for Friday.
is seeking...
is looking for someone to take (useable, attractive) photos at her father's memorial celebration on Friday night.
is emotionally preparing to participate in her father's memorial celebration.
has just done some e-house cleaning.
is feeling...lethargic and melancholic...is there such a word?

February:
is up much too early with a cranky toddler...grounding, life saving and energizing...
is still sitting alongside it...
is at the library pretending to interact with other humans...but really she isn't...she's staring at a computer monitor...as per usual.
enjoys the sight of fluffy falling snow...from inside,,,not a winter person...sun, fiery heat...considerably less clothing...happy.
is wishing she had a cuddle buddy...her feet are cold. :)
is craigslist-ing...
is also okc-ing...
caught whatever her two and half year old has.
is asking questions, but perhaps not the right ones...more information, please.
is...unsure...well outside of her comfort place...
is processing...thoughts, feelings, reactions, realtities, needs, wants, desires, anxieties, hopes...a lot...
is making cous-cous with chunks of mango, apple, green pepper, tiny slivers of dried onion, assorted spices, olive oil, brown rice vinegar and brown sugar.yum
is also making falafel and chicken chunks in a tomato, coconut cream and spice mix. more yum.
listening and dancing to duran duran while she cooks.
is surprised at the amount of FUCK VALENTINE'S DAY groups there are on facebook...gee, who would'a thought? :)
is listening to brainless musics...beautifuuul, i just want you to know - you're my favourite giiiirrrrl...best when sung to one's own self, dark thinks.
is making spice tea - star anise, green cardamon, cinnamon sticks and cloves...yum....
just had breakfast...curried coconut cream okra with a side of falafel and plantain...
is selling one of her strollers. ONE of her strollers...? Who would'a thought childrearing came with this much paraphranelia? :)
is thinking about the middle passage...http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maafa
is drinking tea.earl grey.hot...with soy milk and brown sugar. :)
is having an anxiety attack...mild, really...breathing...breathing...
's pasta primavera turned into a pasta puttanesca...go figure. :)
cannot find her rattid batteries...attempt to access a useful sleep aid has been foiled...now she's up blogging...darn...sleep sounded so good.
watched and enjoyed "let the right one in" yesterday...tonight it's "the invasion".

March:
just finished giving her 7 year old a 7 minute time out...it went on and on, stop and start and wailing and crying and stop and start...finally finished, though
needs to get off the computer and go pee. :)
...squirm...squirm...concede..rush...scurry...fumb le...aaahhhhhhhhh.....
just danced to Jungle Bros...hot cheeks...on her face. :)
went outside...the sky...so large...sun...it burns...need...computer...must...go...home...syste ms...failure...shutdown...imminent...ahhhh...bette r...
is making deep dish pizza...mushrooms, ham, bocconcini cheese, mozarella, mild italian sausage, sliced black olives, artichokes, sundried tomatoes...yum...
thinks Clive Barker is a horror gawd...midnight meat traing...well worth the wait...seriously messed up...beautifully told/framed/lit/created.
just came back from her seven year old's enrollment in the pint sized paramilitary organization she also belonged to aka Brownies. :)
is making moves.
is scaring herself silly...release the hounds(!)...of hell...
found her batteries...oh happy day! :)
is healing...mending...again future looking.
is experiencing much happy trepidation...girlfriends? Okay...dark will be resolute and not in the least bit fraidycat-like.
is coughing up green goo...blech...
has never had such a difficult and frustrating ongoing conversation with someone I didn't consciously choose to love. Help! Beam me up, Scotty!
is hurt and frustrated...and anxious.
is reading about eclectic pagans...she's an eclectic pagan...yep, that sounds about right. http://kaaos.org/faerie/eclectics.html
is feeling, learning and remembering how important criteria are...
is going to shower, dress and go out into the world.
will interact with non-computer based humanoid life forms.
is really glad somebody took the time to write her down...http://typelogic.com/intj.html
wonders if meeting people to pick up free things she found on craigslist counts as interacting with other carbon-based humanoid life forms.
just showed Papi the google maps function where you can click the little yellow man icon, drag it to a location and see a location as if you're standing there.
is listening to Papi cuss and do man screams as the horrible implications of the new google maps technology unfold in his brain...he's horrified...
is trying to plan her supplies list for Kaleidoscope...must find a tent, a coleman stove, a snuggle buddy, a cooler, a vehicle with driver...folding chair...
is setting up piano lessons for a little person.
thinks that pretty, intellectual, early twenty something gay boys with impeccably waxed eyebrows really shouldn't be visiting her okc profile page. :)
feels cautiously optimistic...thriving is not a bad directive...thriving will be okay.
is twisting her locks and thinking about the new "sister wife". five o'clock in the morning, you say...? sleep when you die, dude...sleep when you die.
is craigslist-ing.
joyfully welcomes new love for Papi.
feels bitter and sweet, wistful and content, remembering and resolute...bratty yet wise she cannot make it or unmake it...it takes its own destined form.
is... ... ...
has 35 friends on facebook. She probably wouldn't know what to do with 35 friends if she had them real time. face-friending is well within acceptable parameters
is content. :)
went outside for the third day in a row...the afternoon sun shone down, kissed her skin and she was not burned to cinders...oh happy day!
still thinks her internal clock is resetting itself. 6:30am may not be a bad time to go to bed, after all...
is very, very excited and happy. :)
is happy, excited and feeling like taking a few calculated risks...it's spring...what tha hey?!
just had a half a glass of pink wine...does it count as self medication if the alcohol content is so low she's pretty much drinking sparkling koolaid? :)
is yearning...
is about ready to be pierced again...endorphins here we come! :)
is craigslist-ing...not to contribute to the planetary sex work trade...unh...just for wooden furniture and knick knacks..."nice" girl things. :)
is thinking about evil ass Shell Oil in Nigeria...Oil Turmoil - Nigeria...Pope man, you and your speeches suck ass big time.
take two: is thinking about evil ass Shell Oil in Nigeria...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9r9XwDx7 MQ...Pope man you and your speeches really suck ass big time
is thinking about coltan mining in Congo...yes, our cell phones are literally killing people in Africa...I know, but cell phones are so convenient...for us...
Popester...you're simple...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zdtt1WWuMB M...in north amerikkka diamonds are a girl's best friend...I don't think Africans think so.
Uranium...south afrikkka...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4pTTj9L cTA
organic chicken broth, tobasco, garlic, ginger, lemon and miso...if she can't heal flu-struck Papster, she figures that should kill 'im. :)
understands that they are forced workers collecting gold just to eat, gold worth much more around the world...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ubJp6rmUYM
Pope man...sleep with one eye open, okay?
Ethiopia/Italy...http://www.onwar.com/aced/nation/ eat/ethiopia/fitalyethiopia1935.htm
Rwanda/Belgium...http://emileelime.tripod.com/id4. html...Pope man, the catholic church has a few reparations it should be offering to the Rwandans, methinks...
thinks this evening will be homemade personal pan pizzas for the whole family..except for Papi..feed a fever..starve a cold..starve a fever..starve a cold...?
pensive...as always...
really loves the colour green...so fertile and organic...she's got a favourite colour...go figure. :)
is surprisingly still getting over her cold.
up at five, woke, dressed and made hot breakfasts for little people, made school lunch, garbage day, dropped one off at school, brought one home...nap time.
"i love clifford the big red dog"...well dark doesn't but her two and a half year old does. :)
Thanks L. for coming by and picking up Stinkapee
Thanks Papi for typing my status reports...
has been sick since wednesday and does not know why the status report papi typed for her did not publish...still feeling weak, chilled, pained and tired with cough but better than she was.
spent the afternoon buying shoes...wimmin's size ten...look early or don't botha lookin' at all. :)
is watching Festen because she wholeheartedly appreciates people who know how to say difficult things under difficult circumstances against truly difficult odds...honestly, courageously.
remembers why Festen has to her favourite movie of all time. Quiet tour de force...understated...hard hitting...not heavy handed...exposing many of the interlocking diseased links of domination inside that one messed up family...with such skill.
likes participating in group activities where she can still be alone...planetary collective playtime at the edge of civilization and human history as we know it makes her feel all warm and belong-y without the muss and mess of actual human interactions...
is about to go warm up slices of the pizzas she made by latern light last night during earth hour.
watched the ice gliding feminized ritual panty exposers for a second or two on the idiot box but just couldn't take them or their gender challenged sport seriously.

April:
misses her "homes" less and less...day by day...
is seeking...
...and now, ecstatically, she dances...excellent antidote to whatever ails her spirit and mind...small mental vacation from all applicable types of critical analysis (especially of cultural appropriation) up ahead...
has decided that redecorating the bathroom can be a life altering experience of epic proportions.
is spring cleaning, redecorating and just generally making changes.
has been hanging out with Papi's bajan relatives...she has made her peace with being socially maladjusted and spent her time with them cracking jokes about things they could understand...like having the easter bunny for dinner...Papi's mama made rabbit.
is massively randy and is thinking about how best to *attempt* to satiate her devilishly cravings. :)
wore her black leather corset to dinner at Papi's mama's last night...with other clothes...tonight it's his aunt's house...hmmm...what can a sluttish lapsed lesbian wear to the in-laws for maximum carnage...?
is having a conversation about lefty men on okc...it's smart and fun and hawt. :)
gardened and otherwise continued with her dastardly plan to render her house fully functional by the end of the april. mou-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhhh...
seems to have enjoyed herself today.
wonders if it is possible to maintain multiple simultaneous crushes and still be something she recognizes as "sane". :)
is Locutus of Borg.
is buzzing and wired and just generally falling prey to a whole syndrome of hormonal spring like symptoms. ;)
actually enjoyed being out in the grey, nasty, rainy, wet, windy, cold...it was invigorating and made her cheeks warm and tingly.
enjoyed the last hour or so. More please. :)
is prepping for five days...starting friday...maybe it's time for stretched canvas and acrylics...could be...
wussy mush head is up late at night...the carapaced voices are quiet...quiet enough to allow space to feel and think and remember...
has been playing with her locks...she suspects it's time for a bit of manic panic.
realizes that it is completely possible to be passionately angered by the dead.
is headed out to run errands...outside...in the world...
has just been freshly perforated...a monroe...pics to follow...she feels all floaty and smiley. :)
doesn't understand how she could still be so high when the piercing happened yesterday early evening...she is still floating and feeling a little disconnected...but maybe she was before the piercing and didn't realize it...
is psychologically prepping to spend the next five days (starting tomorrow) with half the family gone. papi and stinkapee fly away while dark and toddler boi remain.
spring cleaning is very thorough, encompassing the social as well as the corporeal.
is about to start re-reading stranger in a strange land...curious about why he's so influential...when from what his disciples demonstrate, his tome really had/has no tangible, applicable poly relationship interaction skills to offer...
is snacking on cold chicken, wasa crackers and espresso coffee while making souse.
just cut shmolee's hair while watching an old episode of battlestar galactica.
is eating the souse she made last night...needs more lime...the tart factor is supposed to be so through tha roof it make your eyes run and force your salivary glands into overproduction...close but still...not quite...there...
and now...for the continuously re-running (via mininova download) saga of battlestar galactica...
dear little Shmolee, there is no more breastmilk and there are no more perogies...but I hear Pin Head is looking for a high pitched squealing, thoroughly inconsolable toddler to join their crew....here, look at the pretty puzzle while I go stand on the verandah...
is getting ready to buy a bike.
so they've begun...all those stockpiled supplies of tamiflu...couldn't just sit there...http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090426/ health/health_swine_flu_canada
enjoyed running into S. in the market while food shopping...the strong coffee and spinach feta borekas were good...schlepping Shmolee home on public transit after he fell asleep in moonbean and proceeded to lay on dark's shoulder like a massive wet noodle
and Shmolee shared a dinner consisting of rice with red lentils and a salmon steak sauteed in onions, garlic, fennel, olive oil and butter with cumin and coarse sea salt...Shmolee's food ended up on the couch...he is now sharing dark's dinner. :)
made penne mixed with left over salmon pieces, fennel, artichoke hearts, garlic, onions, sundried tomatoes and anchovies sauteed in olive oil and butter for dinner...that was yum...
is prepared for the garden slugs this year...copper wire brings slimy insatiably tender leaf eating armageddon. :)
happy that the rest of the family has returned safely...dark is also wondering what sort of killing tamiflu is making on the stock market...at this point if they've done their dirty work well, marketing in the wake of the pandemic should be make "cures" mandatory...
really likes the site derailing for dummies...http://derailingfordummies.com/

May:
dances around no Beltane fires tonight...
is happily chatting. :)
genocidal measles blankets worked to drastically reduce indigenous populations and clear the way for settlers...the introduction of disease has always been an evil and effective method of culling populations...if it's an act of gawd, then there is no one to blame...
is sure they'll still try and foist their "meds" on the public, anyways...http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles /140786.php
figures if there's gonna be a pandemic then her blog will need to come in from the cold...jagermeister chased with tamiflu for everyone!
is smiling.
yesterday we changed the piercing jewelry for something shorter. dark thinks she'll be getting lots of different ones with different colours for different occasions. :)
Sometimes dark surprises even herself with her own audacity...bad, bad, bad dark. :)
is awake and revving.
interacted today...A LOT. :)
just wants to let everyone know that mother's day, also known as "exploited breeder cow, flesh incubator living in denial of her own fundamental worth and therefore easily distracted by trinkets one day of the year" day isn't something she celebrates...
joined deviant art but can't figure out how to do anything with her page...that sucks. Anyone! Help!
remembers dancing with dyke boys when she was a yout' in her twenties...when she thinks about bois, she hears "are you a man or woman/boy or girl?" and sees someone who is stonebutch passing not girly androgynous playing...
is well rested...no up late internet based chattings last night. :)
is a happy, high school girl giggly mess. :)
just got back from having a coffee, cream no sugar...and carrying an increasingly heavy toddler, who was fine walking out to the stroll, but refused to walk back again, home...maaaamaaa! I neeeeed you! :)
would like to entertain this weekend. but all her favourite people...well most of them, anyways, live far, far away. She's thinking of buying sock puppets to stand in as proxies. Beautiful things about sock puppets is they won't get bit by mosquitoes...
thinks that feeling alone among many people you'd rather not spend time with is different than being alone and learning to appreciate not being around people some of whom you suspect you'd like to share space with...
just got back from the gardening store...back verandah in process
is contemplating leaving the house for a late night prowl.
had fun last night and really hopes that her fun didn't come at too high a cost to others.
is thinking lustful thoughts while doing basement with lots of past and future (? hehe) baby clothes organization thrown in.
is thinking that her tongue should be the next body part to receive a bounty of perforation traumatization. :)
thinks, yes, mortification of the flesh may be the way to go. ;)
mourns the defeat of the Tamil Tigers...the pendulum swings further right...dissent originating on the left is stamped out, murdered, denigrated without mercy.
drag me to hell...oh, wait! this planet is actually the central node of hell...that's comforting. :)
wonders if it's possible to fall in love with a website...? http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/
groks nothing.
thinks her weekend may prove to be ve-ry fascinating...or it could be an utter dud. We shall see. ;)
Dark is heading out for a non-prowling nighttime walk...baby and Papster in tow. "What a nice Black patriarchal nuclear monogamous family." "Take care of him. He's a good man." "Is she a good cook? I'm sure she feeds you well."
thinks that she should probably change out of her Black lace lingerie ensemble before leaving the house for a walk.
suspects the family walk is canceled. Papster fell asleep. :)
is massively happy and excited. woo-HOO! :)
thinks that there may potentially be a god/dess, after all. ;)
yeeee-hawwww! wooooo-HOOOOO! :)
is watching her wild garden plants grow.
, in her next life, either wants to come back as a dour, widowed, black wearing, gardening meditteranean old lady, or as a randy and playful, bathhouse frequenting, tight stretchy clothes wearing gay man. None of this in between stuff. Way too crazy makin'...
is happy with her attempts to be more human, less perfect, less "nice", more self-serving and self-preserving in moments that call for it. It's okay for Dark to put Dark first sometimes.
would like to thank all her ghost lovers for their dedicated attentions. She is attempting to get real...alone.

June:
spent Sunday afternoon being uncharacteristically giggly and extroverted in real time. If she could do that every few weeks in safe spaces she thinks that would be okay. :)
is...content and sporting a very cautious glow. :)
is also very, very annoyed and impatient.
is resigned.
should probably un-unfriend Papster...one night unnegotiated sleeping out with new white, heterosexual, never done poly fuck friend has been resolved...with limited amounts of Papi blood shed...sides he's been helping dark make sleepover dates with her new Potential...
is thankful for the support J. offered this afternoon. Grounding...
still believes her dirty mind score should be higher than 95%.
Dark's second birth(ing) day is coming up. As it approaches she realizes that people don't tend to give gifts to the person who did the work...only to the biological, humaaan outcome of that work. She thinks this should be fixed. Gifts for Mama/incubator...
as her birthing day approaches, dark thinks all the guests should be encouraged to feel her former state of complete and utter genital and uterine torment by having their genitals pierced...by her. ;) The thought of that is strangely soothing for dark...
is serenading herself.
is prepping her well behaved mama veneer for a craigslist driven foray deep into the heart of upper middle class territory. The bike, just gimme the bike. :)
has a pimple...not good.
needs to stop attempting to understand human (inter)relations as logical and explicable...they...are not.
three years ago today at this time in the day, dark was very, very tired.
yay! yippee! goodgawddang! dark is a happy woman for so many different reasons. :)
Oops! Did Dark get the date of the dyke march wrong? very likely. :) she might have more time than she thinks. shifting breakfast date? probablement. :)
is really relieved she has one extra week to make plans. sewing things takes time...so does industrial espionage. :)
is thinking about all the different times and ways she's come out over the years. she's thinking about what it means to be queer by choice according to her own specifications...
is watching in treatment season 2 episode 1.
just finished flaying the asses of Stinkapee's principal and vice-principal. She suspects she may need to come back to administer additional courses as they are so far being thoroughly white, racist and utterly incorrigible...
is starting her Pride count down...today we do tha hair...tomorrow probably tha nails.
feels like a massive dork in lust.
approaches another pride weekend dateless and horny...almost twenty yearsmostly doing it this way is starting to become a bit tedious. :)
less than two days and counting...
is cruising a 27 year old on okc. wha? :)
is sumltaneously tearful, disappointed, pissed, happy, excited, hopeful and literally skipping barefoot on the sidewalks...what does all this mean? well, the summer clearly has not ended because one month long attempt at relationship seems to have finally
is bleeding...in fairly predictable, thoroughly unwounded ways.


July:
is waiting for her ride...car, people, in a car. :)
had a great weekend but is exhausted after a long ass road trip...bedtime.
is feeling clear...er.
is really understanding but struggling with what she understands...as per usual.
wants to feel hopeful about her summer dating prospects...she is working and manifesting, dreaming of juicy, warm, affectionate, intentional, interactive, independent, passionate, creative, odd, intelligent erotic abundance.
has been awake for a few hours...restless.
Stinkapee is back from camp safe and secure. Said they didn't feed her enough.She said they had salads for dinner. Perfect. How wonderful of them to start preparing whole troops of little girls for lives of dieting, anorexia and bulimia.
Afrofest yesterday, Kensington Market today...dark's weekend has been sweet. :)
is ovulating...t-minus two weeks and counting...
is actively weaning toddler boy. Soy milk seems to be doing the trick. This evening he fell asleep in mama's presence without having breast. woo-HOO! :)
is...
is happily blogging as a way to process her...process. :)
toddler is eating her lunch on her behalf...this of course, after he ate his own. :)
doesn't think any festivals are in the cards for her this year. She's still back at getting the whole dating on a regular basis "right". Once she can actually officially say she's dating, then she'll turn her mind to doing things like camping...with her d
is watching Code 46 and thinking about odd and ill-advised affections.
has a brunch date with a new friend.
I actively shopping for her new cruiser...finally. :)
is attempting to temporarily drown out the awful quiet.
would dearly like to stay on course and would definitely like to not turn inwards fetus ball rolling style...outwards, onwards, upwards...do...not... stop...persevere.
is listening to old house and thinking about getting dressed.
Shmolee just survived his first visit to the barber's for professional haircut...not done by mama the hair obsessee. He loves it. We all think his formerly slightly patchy dredlocks mohawk
is eating salty, sour, crunchy pickles...a metaphor for her life? She's gotta wonder. :)
is now the owner of a brand spankin' new bike. Let the *completely* exercise oriented cruising begin! :)
went out to a burlesque show last night. She watched the mostly white wimmin gyrate and thought about pedestalized white femme beauty and about the kinds of space wimmin who do not challenge are offered to express and to experience their erotics in safety...
is bleeding.
continues to try and find words to describe the indescribable.
is e-cruising a young visual artist. Told him I'd like to draw him. He accepted. Dear GAWD! What I gotten myself into, now?
just got back from an insane, fast, wicked round trip bike ride. The burn was su-weet...still...not...quite...the same. ;)

August:
is really REALLY looking forward to seeing Tool on Wednesday night.
thinks tamarind balls may help.
pertaining to the world of dating and relationship, dark is attempting to understand "real".
is totally pumped! :)
is enjoying the rain...from indoors...but misses riding her bike.
is happy she has places to go where she can speak fully, intelligently, intentionally, critically, whole-y. :)
is lighting teensy tiny fires over at okc. Beautiful blue eyes, indeed! :)
went for a wonderful bike ride. More soon, she hopes. :)

September:
had a date yesterday and seems to have met...someone made of flesh, blood and bone.
is happily theorizing about travel. :)
summer seems to have just begun. :)
test, test, testosterone...
is prepping for TIFF's Midnight Madness.
had a fantabulous bike ride this morning.
:)
now has a grand total of 19 friends. Culling is such an empowering process. :)
was really looking forward to traveling to meet one of her old/er online friends. sigh...But now that isn't going to happen.
is now wearing contacts for the first time...hard contacts. tres uncomfortable. but also very effective. now if blinking didn't feel like such torture, she would be unequivocably happy about being able to see. :)
resents Black people being utilized by her daughter's white teachers as an example of rudeness. Really? In the grand scheme of things, let's be clear. Kanye's still an egotistical jackass. But his problem is that he doesn't have the language to effectively discuss the workings of white domination and white skin privilege in the media. He wasn't rude. He shattered silence. In my books, that is never "rude".
more culling...moving this place towards being somewhere for folks who use this medium to willingly communicate with me...there are other places where I connect with people...sometimes by phone, sometimes when we run into each other on the sidewalk, sometimes at events. This space doesn't work for me in terms of connecting with everyone. So I'm tailoring it based on that...
had a fun sixteen hour date. happy.
believes in the power of strategic planning and machiavellian manouvering on behalf of her family. Dealing with the powers that be in ways that limit their control over her life and the lives of the people in her family is such sweet pleasure, indeed. :)
is watching for a sun shiny window in the grey weather...bike...must ride...bike...
got her sun shiny window of opportunity. weeeeee...! then she got caught in arm rains on the way home with Stinkapee. both laughed and strolled back home from school at a leisurely pace. it was beautiful.
got caught in the rain on her bike as she peddled home from a late night sleepover processing session. The rain and ride were both sweet...so was the sleepover.
is sitting tip tapping away on the computer wearing not one stitch of clothes. She was so comfortably ensconced she stood up a lovely gentle man...for the second time...in a row. Clearly her mind is elsewhere. Dark would like to center.
is still attempting to wean...
spent a busy morning...she who tantrums off to school...riding...she has sawdust in her hair from watching the hottie man do his job chainsaw in hand high up in a really tall tree...peddle home furiously...staccato work related convo with Paps...lots of typing and editing...poo-poo diaper...sigh...time for Doctor Who...

October:
suspects that she may now be officially dating...as opposed to sort of hanging out...all the time. yawn...just got home...coffee.
Nuit Blanche...almost didn't happen for dark...but she's an amazing relationship negotiator who moves with courage, honesty and insight when dealing with those she loves. Down with being cast as the other woman. Up with intentionally negotiated scheduling and fairly shared attention. :)
is looking forward to Nuit Blanche...first time...tonight.
is listening to radiohead and...waiting...
yawn...all night long...well into the morning hours...so much fun...so little sleep...more, please...
was up at 6am this morning...the weekend is over...back to business as usual.
is just fucking off tonight...probably going to bed at a decent hour.
really likes The Mars Volta. She's going to buy one of their albums.
is experiencing giggly, stupid, teenager-esque love. :) ...while still forcing herself to make adult choices from a place of being...unh...adult...? :)
has a cold...from staying out all night Saturday and giggling romping snuggling all day Sunday. Well worth it, she thinks. :)
had an amazing, beautiful, sensual, loving, busy weekend. ;)
is feeling stir crazy and needs to get out of the house.
is feeling cash poor but energetically rich and giggly. :)
has a toothache.
needs more rest.
is trying to get into gmail to respond to a really wonderful email about holiday plans. Darned gmail. LET ME IN!
is *this* close to cutting her hair. so tired of doing frou-frou femme. she thinks she might take a turn at doing it up with a twist. :)
just finished making a goth girl hallowe'en costume for stinkapee...then she made a quick stir fry with broccoli, zucchini and baby carrots over brown basmati rice. Now she is hanging with toddler boi. just finished making a goth girl hallowe'en costume for stinkapee...then she made a quick stir fry with broccoli, zucchini and baby carrots over brown basmati rice. Now she is hanging with toddler boi.
is about to head out into the night on a snuggly mission. :)
slept all evening and is now wide awake...and updating her knowledge of safer sex...
is thinking about the movement to stop the drugging of children and teens.
knows way too many themes for children't shows. She worries that once her childbearing and rearing years are over, she will only be able to think and communicate in the language of the adults who write for children't television. :)
is looking forward to this weekend and thinks the sheer bliss of pumpkin carving as well as helping to addict small children to the white is in the very near future.
notices that all the parents she knows on facebook are already up. yawn...her family was elsewhere last night. So she has only been up for about half an hour...still much earlier than the non-parental people she thinks.
is alone...sitting in her towel...tip tapping and listening to music....peace...sweet...
hmmm...coffee...
...hmmmm.....bike riding....

November:
is absolutely exhausted. the weekend was fun but busy.
is...clear...
EEKk! Dark realizes she's been uploading pics to facebook without properly setting permissions for who can view them. unh...perhaps a tad more flesh and fantasy than she had intended in some albums. hee. hee? :) fixed it. :)
is searching okc's gay men's profiles looking for a lovely she saw at the leather/fetish event two weekends back...yum... :)
has temporarily given up the hunt for the cutie gay man...instead choosing the uber exciting task of folding freshly washed and dried laundry. done that. now she's watching sam and dean. :)
went for a bike ride yesterday and is looking forward to another one today.
has a 35 pound walking, talking, squirming, fully clothed growth hanging from her right breast. HeLP!
says...recent missionary position rompings has shown her that she is completely inflexible in the region of her nethers...must fix...stretching...
never realized that sitting cross legged could be so excruciating...stretch....stre-e-e-etching...
is researching tantric sex positions...
yup...dark senses a steep, STEP learning curve up ahead...she does not know where she has been living...well, actually she does...fixing that...
is making hearty soup for family dinner. She dreams of setting out on her bike to parts unknown soon after the vittles are consumed.
is limping around and really cannot open her legs today. More stretching and attempting to sit cross legged...imminent.
is tired from walking miles and hours during last night's roamings...which were followed by wrastlings. :)
has been spoiled by her vibrator and must now unmake her reliance on the three or four minute event/outcome oriented silicone/circuitry/battery operated vibe/ride.
had a wonderful snuggly evening away from home, followed by a morning spent listening to classic rock away from home, followed by a surprise homecoming by her lovely love, followed by much wrastling. Dark is smiling and tired.
is not enjoying the grey and damp. nope, not even one bit.
notices that there is still a parasitic miniature humanoid hanging off her upper chest skin covered feeder glands. How odd. Must adjust and/or increase his external nutrient liquid feed.
is still stretching and attempting to get comfortable with crossing her legs. no use being with a flexible bug/simian if her whole body refuses to bend and open.
hopes folks are reading her on okc. her journal seems to be heating up nicely. :)
is trying to calm her little (inner) girl child. she's such a mess most days. but she is well loved and not alone.
has been drinking pure cranberry juice, taking cranberry extract capsules and vitamin c to deal with a urinary tract infection brought on by, you guessed it, too much super intense, physically challenging nooky. :)
thinks that there really isn't such a thing as too much fucking. but she has gone from being practically celibate to having a 24 year old beg off snuggle dates because he's exhausted and really needs to sleep. she's being referred to as "voracious".
is HIV negative.
is wondering when the everyday economic workings of life will seem like less hustle and struggle, more like thriving, ease and abundance. Perhaps dark should just make her peace with abundance not being intimately linked to the workings of capitalism. Maybe dark should be thankful for the rich abundance, joy, love and tenderness in her life. Yes. dark is thankful and feels blessed.
hears a diapered toddler, squatting behind a piece of furniture, grunting. Soon time to head upstairs to the bathroom, new diaper in hand, set to deal with his end result.
is looking at pictures of donuts...back away from the screen, back away from the screen. time for some peppermint tea and...something...distinctly un-donut-like. :)
is making space to love more, to be loved more and to support the men in her life to love more, as well. Love for EVERYbody! :)
is reeling and smiling and content. :)
mmmm...Dexter, season 4, episode 8...the only thing better would be a couch located semi clothed snuggle buddy. :)

December:
is reeling with the implications of it all. her world has been rocked but good. will she survive? she does not know. the end is not in sight. the journey still remains.
thinks it was friday night that she found herself high up on top of a downtown building after having been coaxed into climbing an external fire escape in the middle of the night. she held his arm and would not let go, irrationally afraid of falling. she saw the tops of buildings and more open night sky than she's seen in forever. green laser pointy thingees sure do have range. :)
happy, tired, sniffly, more happy. :)
lundberg short grain brown rice with spicy curried zucchini, garlic, onion, baby carrots and green onions...yum...
thinks it's never too late to come out and/or share your process with family and friends.
is now the proud mother of an eight year old. happy birth/day to my beauty and to me, as well.
coffee date, walk and vintage shop. sweet. many thanks, new friend...
just had to stop toddler boy from eating wax birthday candle. the fact that he might have eaten some before she realized it probably makes her a very, very bad mama.
does believe in the relationship building power of extensive conversations, negotiation and agreement making.
is feeling intelligently blissed out and gently blessed.
is looking forward to solsitce night for the first time in many, many years.
eight year old refuses to consent to a real tree, says they're too dangerous. So culture jamming hybrid and politically grounded, historically grounded counter-insurgence warrior, ever vigilant mama wolf par excellence, dark is putting up the "kwanzaa tree". Next come the "kwanzaa lights". ;)
works her shite out every last blasted day and then offers what works for her to Papster and bug/simian for their perusal and utilization as they flirt and play and cruise and fuck. They say the relationships they have with her and with each other make the brain aneurisms, nosebleeds and marathon processing sessions worth it. Dark has decided to believe them. ;)
Is roasting a giant hunk a hunk a burnin' cow. :)
has not socialized this much since...well, never. times with papi, bug/simian and the tiny humaaans have been enlightening, fun, intense, strategic, bonding. so sweet. :)
is thinking a lot about openness, compersion, sharing and the future.
is thinking that bedtime should include her/self. yawn...






Monday, December 28, 2009

Sweet little gem...

"Finally, Trinh (T. Minh-ha) talks about another way to rethink concepts of identity so that they don't rely on a self/other dichotomy. She discusses the idea of the "inappropriate other," the "others" who refuse that position of otherness, and insist on speaking and acting as subjects, despite the efforts of (usually Western) "selves" to make them be "other" to maintain the stable self/other structure. An "inappropriate other" acts out, refuses to behave correctly. As such, an "inappropriate other" also becomes an "inappropriated other," a subject whose being cannot be appropriated by another to serve another's purposes. An "inappropriate(d) other" has agency, is capable of resisting appropriation and of recognizing and negotiating her situations, including her own subjectivity/identity."

hmmm...the inappropriate/d other...acting out...refusing to behave "correctly"...is that like...while visiting her house with both papi and bug/simian boy for the holidays, knowing that all the family members who were there were gonna gossip hardcore about me and my new man (who spent a good part of our visit openly massaging, nuzzling and stroking me), asking papi's aunt if she waxes her bum in order to keep it from being too hairy? giggles ;)





Breathing, surrendering, experiencing, visioning...







It seems more fitting...

I've been thinking of changing my name to Kobayashi Maru. Given the content of the last twenty years or so, it seems much more fitting. :)





Tuesday, December 22, 2009

If only...

...she'd said "deception, denial and avoidance will not protect you" I'd have a very different relationship to feminism and feminists of all ethnicities right now.

Oh well. I guess I'll write it -

The manufacture of alternative hierarchies and the maintenance of deception, denial and avoidance in our lives, relationships, alliances and families will not protect us or further any of our causes.

Phew! That felt...necessary.

Oh and...If you celebrate any of them, please have a happy and consciousness filled set of state identified high holy days.





Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Try Jah love?

Nah. Dearest Jah, this anti-patriarchal feminist queer deviant daughta of the diaspora thinks it would be best to pass on that invitation. But hot damn! Do your believer/sons ever make some beauty music. Pretties. ;)


Monday, December 14, 2009

It would have been more powerful if she'd gotten messy and muddy...

But the song still works for me in certain ways...