Putting things into perspective...so, so helpful...

This article reminds me of the real reasons why the debate about marriage is important. I think that I sort of get annoyed by the "validating our love/marriage as love" debaters who romanticize administrative, privilege based relationship contracts designed to protect people who have cross gendered relationships, give them monetary incentives, protect their children, their homes, their property.

Marriage isn't love; it's proactive, protective, contractual business without which all people who have relationships that cut against the heterosexual, patriarchal, monogamous grain are screwed.

Marriage isn't just for nice, conservative, monogamous gays and lesbians who have "good jobs", buy houses in the burbs, dress like their heterosexual yuppy counterparts and send their children for horse back riding lessons.

If it's not going to be another expression of privilege and status marriage must also be for the queers well behaved, conservative, middle class lesbians and gays look down on and attempt to separate themselves from - leatherfolk, sex workers, sluts, club kids, queers living on the streets, tattooed queers, extensively perforated queers, radical queers, outspoken queers...

If this is ever to be a truly equitable society we need to come out of denial about the true purpose of marriage and get to a place where it is automatically offered as an option to everyone who forms committed relationships whether they are a cross gendered union, whether they are of the same gender, whether one of them has had to work to be recognized as their true gender or whether there are more humans in the relationship than just two.

Greene v. County of Sonoma et al.

Clay and his partner of 20 years, Harold, lived in California. Clay and Harold made diligent efforts to protect their legal rights, and had their legal paperwork in place—wills, powers of attorney, and medical directives, all naming each other. Harold was 88 years old and in frail medical condition, but still living at home with Clay, 77, who was in good health.

One evening, Harold fell down the front steps of their home and was taken to the hospital. Based on their medical directives alone, Clay should have been consulted in Harold’s care from the first moment. Tragically, county and health care workers instead refused to allow Clay to see Harold in the hospital. The county then ultimately went one step further by isolating the couple from each other, placing the men in separate nursing homes.

Ignoring Clay’s significant role in Harold’s life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold’s “roommate.” The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold’s bank accounts to pay for his care.

What happened next is even more chilling: without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold’s possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

the rest is here...

from the National Center for Lesbian Rights

The friend/dyke who posted this on facebook reminded me of the fact that religion figures prominently in this debate for many people. This is what I wrote to her:

"Funny, the religious angle never even came up for me but I guess that's part of how the administrative angle and the privilege ends up being obscured for most people; they are taught to understand the extra access they have as a reward from whatever gawd they believe in, as their due for being so well behaved."

I'm thankful she posted this article about those two tragic partners. I've been ignoring the fight for state focused administrative relationship validation for a good many years. But I'm back now.